Touched by Fire
by Hitori no kage
Summary: Surviving was complicated enough without a life being placed into her hands. But when she does finally embrace it, fate decided to throw in the wrench and make her world a lybrinth of the unknown and the unexpected. Now she must make the right choices or lose everything she ever held dear. Another one of my complex plots w/ some dark themes. Non-SI. Genre & rating to change. R&R!
1. The Road Less Traveled

Chapter 1: The Road Less Traveled... Was the Right One to Take After All

I still remember the day when the Ma'am thrust a wiggling bundle of cloth into my arms like it was a disease and with a look of distaste on her face. I nearly dropped the bundle, thinking she was forcing something disgusting onto me because that was what she usually did.

"Girl, you'll be in charge of him from now on. And I'm telling you, if he makes or gets into any trouble, it'll on your head! Hmph!" Without another word, the Ma'am had stalked off quickly like she was glad she'd finished dealing with a nuisance.

I'd looked down at the bundle to see a newborn: wrinkled, red in the face and threatening to cry. I could barely see any visible hair, except for a few almost white looking wisps here and there.

 _Wait, what?!_

I'd panicked. What did she mean I was in charge of an _infant_ , of all things, from now on?! What was a nine year-old girl supposed to do with an infant?! I could barely take care of myself and the other younger kids in the house since all the Ma'am cared about was the monthly stipend the blessed Daimyou sent to her for every child she took in.

I remember trembling, trying to calm my breath when the child began to whine and fuss.

 _Okay, don't panic, don't panic, don't panic! Freak out later, but first. What do babies all need? Food, diapers, uh…. Water? Milk? What kind of milk? Does regular milk work or…?_

"Girl, you better be heading to work or else you're not getting supper tonight!" The Ma'am's voice shouted with annoyance from down the hall. I'd snapped my eyes to the clock in alarm. My job at the merchant's house was at three o'clock. It was half past two.

"Uh, yes Ma'am!" I'd shouted but flinched when the baby started crying from the sudden noise. "Sorry, sorry!"

Thinking frantically, I found myself a reed shopping basket, layered it with a towel and placed the infant inside before racing to my job, all the while trying not to jar the already crying baby.

I'd had to explain and beg for the merchant to let me look after the infant while I worked- following after and serving his youngest daughter as a maid. Thankfully, the eldest son and his wife had been kind, immediately taking a liking to the babe and allowed it. They even sent for the family nanny to give me tips and extra materials they had no longer needed when their own second daughter had turned one. As it turned out, my new charge was a boy, but I didn't care if I had to make him wear girl clothes for a while. They were of high quality material and I was going to take what I could get for free.

Thinking back on these things as I pulled what meager covers I had towards the little boy's body, I can't imagine how time seemed to have passed so quickly. I had survived two brutal years of waking up in the middle of the night to sooth his crying, wanting to cry myself. Survived sparing my own food to feed what I could to him, cleaning his soiled diapers and washing them by hand to save money, and the disgusted looks people threw at me thinking I had somehow birthed the boy out of wedlock by some kind of miracle. I hadn't even hit puberty yet, for goodness sake!

He snuggled into my arms for warmth and I smiled a little. My little baby brother. In the two years I had taken care of him, he had become far more than just another kid I had been forced to care for, but someone I had nurtured through sweat and blood, someone I now shared a deeper connection with than any other I ever had. Sure, I had occasionally watched over some of the other children here and there, but it was a shared burden among the few older ones. I had never had to take care of a child all on my own, to have a little life be placed entirely in my hands to care for.

And it was hard. Beyond hard. All of us older children had to work outside to earn our keep and to help supplement our Home's budget. The Ma'am, herself, was either out of town half the time on 'business trips' or having town meetings to show that she was doing her job as a caretaker, though all of us knew she was out gambling or drinking all our stipend money away where the townspeople wouldn't catch her. So when she practically threw a child to me to care for, I had to officially put all of my needs aside and live solely for my baby brother. My world began to revolve around him, and looking back, despite the extra work I had to do with little break, I can't say I'd ever regret it. I could have ignored him, gave him to someone else outside the Home who was more capable, pretend I lost him by accident and just receive the punishment. Kami knows the Home wasn't exactly the best place for a child. But, for some reason, I couldn't. I love the child now, and won't ever give him up for anything.

The boy's chubby little hands grabbed the front of my shirt and tucked his head at the crook of my neck. Feeling his fiery warmth radiating throughout our shared blankets, I hummed a tune softly as I lightly tapped a rhythm on his back in time with my slowing heartbeat. It was a minor-keyed folksong I had overheard the merchant's nanny singing many times as she went about her work with a dozing baby at her chest,

 _Re so te la-so fi la so re, re so te la-so fi la so, so do me re-do ti re do so, la la te….._

I let sleep close my eyes and usher me into another world.

"Hey, have you seen the Ma'am?" A boy who looked about my age nervously asked me the next day. "She shoulda been back by now…. We're running out of rice and potatoes to feed all of us. What should we do?!"

I was aware of the fact that the Ma'am was taking longer to come back than usual, though her 'usual' never included a steady, predictable schedule of how long she stayed out traveling and wasting money. But I also knew she was never away from the Home for more than a month at a time because that made her actions questionable to those who report regularly to the Daimyo who supplied her money.

It was close to two months since she left by now.

"Calm down. Have you spoken with the other nee-sans? What did they say?"

"The Ma'am took three of our nee-san's and two of our nii-sans with her this time, so they aren't back yet either. I'm the oldest boy here now and the only other Nee-san besides you is… the one with the brown hair and she's sick." He glanced nervously down the hallway where the stairs led up to the bedrooms. "Came down with the fever, I think."

 _Right._

I took in a deep long breath to calm my nerves. "Okay, here's what we'll do. I'll go check on how much money I have and go to the market later to see if we can stock up. Can you check on the nee-san's fever and keep a cool cloth on her forehead? I'll buy her medicine." I paused to think of anything I may have missed. "I'll also bring some leftover food from work today, so if you're willing to hold out until then, feed what we have to the younger ones first, and we'll eat what I bring Home, okay? Can you handle that?"

"Okay… okay, I can do that." He nodded vigorously and inhaled slowly. "I don't have work today so it'll be a good idea to stay here and watch over things. Okay." He ran off to do as told and I quickly made my way back into the bedroom I now shared with my baby brother and a few younger girls. He was in a fenced off corner, playing with a rag doll I made for him last year.

"Ma ma ma!" He squealed delightedly and crawled clumsily to the fence, a hand grabbing at it while he waved the other impatiently at me.

I smiled and picked him up, swinging him up playfully. "I'm not your Mama, little brother. But it'll do for now, I guess…. It's going to suck when I have to explain things to you when you're older, though."

Tying him securely to my back, I quickly opened a box from under a floorboard next to my bed and counted the money I had secretly saved bit by bit over the last few years. There had been times when I was forced to use some for my brother's sake, but I refrained from touching the money when possible. I guess this time, I would have no choice but to use a large portion of it.

Surprisingly, I had more than three thousand ryo saved up. I gingerly took a few hundred ryo to hide securely in my pocket and hid the rest away before writing up a list of things that needed to be bought after my job. Quickly slipping into an oversized, tattered cardigan, I headed towards the merchant's house for another day of work.

-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-

The merchant's eldest son and his wife called me to the sitting room after my shift. It was nerve wracking thinking of what it was they wanted to speak to me about; they had never called for me so suddenly before. Did I do something wrong? Did I forget to mend the young miss' clothes? Prepare her afternoon tea and snacks? I was sure I did! I could only bow deeply before them with a trembling back.

"Child….I'm so sorry, but this may be your last day here…" The merchant's eldest daughter-in-law cut in before I could give my greetings, looking distraught. I froze in alarm. "We're moving away from here the day after tomorrow for another town further inside the country, probably closer to Konohagakure. There seems to be building conflict going on between Iwa and Kusa and it's been getting closer to our side of the border. With Iwa's actions as of late, I fear their intentions are to take over the trade routes and eventually choke Kusa into being annexed to Iwa. What they do after that, I don't want to imagine, being as close to Kusa's borders as we are. I suggest you leave soon too, child."

She looked between her husband and me intensely as if silently having some kind of three-way conversation I couldn't pick up on. "Would you be willing to come with us, dear?" She finally asked. "You have been with us for so long, and I know you are honest and sincere when taking care of my younger sister-in-law. I can't offer you anything else but a steady job and safety with us, but it's better than being trapped here with nowhere to escape when the fight comes. How about it?"

My mind was running a mile a minute by now, the shock at the news freezing my insides. What should I do? The offer was almost too good that I wanted to inappropriately ask if she was joking. But knowing them for almost four years, and by looking at them now, I knew they were every bit serious about this chance for me to get to safety.

I thought of my little brother, whom to me, was now my everything. I would sell my body to keep him safe and healthy. I wanted to tell her 'yes' immediately and for a second I almost did, ready to kiss her feet and thank her.

But what about the other children? What about my other makeshift family members, the nervous boy, the sick nee-san, the little ones who still need me now that we don't know where the Ma'am was.

I pushed my heavy, aching heart back down my throat and gazed into the lady's eyes, trying to convey as much gratitude and devotion into it.

"This- this servant is truly… truly humbled and grateful by your generosity and care for this servant throughout these years, m'lady. But… there are others under this servant's care right now whom this servant cannot abandon. This servant knows you cannot possibly take in so many children for this servant's sake. So please, please, take care of yourself, and this servant wishes you and the sir, and the lord's family well." I knelt and bowed until my head touched the floor. My baby brother giggled, grabbing my hair and tugged mischievously. "Thank you. Thank you and please, be safe on your journey."

"Take care of yourself, child." There was a deep sigh of sadness and resignation before a large, gentle hand carefully pulled me up and ruffled my hair. "And you haven't been just a servant to us for a long while, so please don't address yourself in that way. You're like our daughter by now, even if Father and my brothers' families haven't been treating you as well as I would have liked."

He tilted my chin up to look him in the eyes, his light gray ones searching. "Leave with your siblings as soon as you have the opportunity. In the end we are but mere humans with little to defend ourselves by against people like shinobi. There may be another war erupting again. Be safe and look for us when you can, understand?"

"Hai, this ser- I will take your words to heart, sir. I promise."

-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-

I dropped the groceries and a basket full of wild vegetables I harvested onto the kitchen table with aching arms. It had been a month since I lost one of my jobs when the merchant family left and life was not getting easier. I resorted to going into the forest behind our Home in search for wild edibles. My employers quietly snuck a lot of supplies and cloth for making clothing to me behind their father's back before they left, which I was immensely thankful for. It was the only reason we were managing, as about a third of the town had left to escape from a potential war spilling over to our town. More were still leaving as the days dragged on, when we heard gossip that Kusa was about to keel over in defeat. And the Ma'am had yet to return after three months.

"Any news on where the Ma'am is?"

The only older boy at the Home shook his head, wringing his hands fretfully; his red hair looked unkempt like he'd been tempted to pull it out. "Actually, some people I've never seen before came by and demanded that the Ma'am pay back money she owed them. It sounds like they've been waiting for her payment since a few months ago and had been looking for her…. Does that mean she doesn't plan on coming back because she doesn't have the money? What are we going to do if they come back again and demand that we pay them back no matter what?"

"Thanks for telling me. I- I'll think of what to do. I'm going to check on nee-san first and have her take some medicine. You should go and grab something to eat from the blue bag in the kitchen. I'll be right back."

"Right."

I headed into the girl's room and approached the bed. Nee-san was sweating profusely even as she shivered. Her cheeks were burning red and she coughed incessantly. She wasn't getting any better and instead, was beginning to take a turn for the worse even with the medicine from the best remaining doctor in town.

"Nee-san, are you awake? Please, eat something and take medicine. You need to get better soon." I shook her shoulders gently and checked the cloth placed on her forehead. It was warm.

"I-imouto-chan… I'm not- I'm not feeling very hungry. Let… let the younger ones have it instead. I'll just take the medicine." She wheezed and coughed wetly into her hand.

I shook my head and pleaded with her. "I brought back a lot of food from work, so there's plenty of food to go around for the little ones. Please, you need to eat at least a little something to go with the medicine. You shouldn't take it with an empty stomach."

Nee-san sighed weakly and nodded. I moved to help her up and fed her some food and the medicine. Her whole entire body was shaking like a leaf, so much so that I had to prop her up against me. After laying her down again and changing her cloth for a cooler one, I went back downstairs and sorted our supplies while checking what else we had left. We didn't have much and with so many people evacuating town, we won't be able to survive much longer.

I gently bounced the child on my back a little when he began to fuss. I was going to have to make a decision soon, though perhaps subconsciously, I already knew what we had to do; we have no choice but to go.

"Children," I sat before the small band of kids settled around me and the red-haired boy in the cafeteria, "there are some things I need to tell you and if you trust me and your nii-san and nee-san, then listen carefully to us, can you do that?"

When they nodded, I continued. "The Ma'am is still not back yet and we have no idea where she is. There are some bad people who are fighting very close to where we live and I don't want you to get hurt. Because of that, as your older siblings, we have decided to leave together and find a safer place to stay, where we can get good food to eat and warm clothing. A… friend of mine also moved to a town near a place called Konohagakure, where it's safe to live in and you can go to a better school. How would you like that?"

The children were taking this surprisingly well and I shared a relieved smile with the red-haired boy.

"Okay, we'll be leaving in two days, so pack your clothing and only two other things that you want to bring with you, like a toy or something you wouldn't want to leave behind. I'm serious- only two things, okay? If you're done early, bring the pack to me or nii-san here for us to check, then help us pack all our food and some large blankets for when we sleep. Do you all understand what you need to do?"

"Hai, nee-chan!" They chorused innocently.

"Then let's get to work!" I clapped my hands twice with finality and they quickly dispersed.

The packing went relatively smoothly at first, but when the men demanding money came back again the afternoon before we were supposed to leave, we promised to pay something back by the next day; then, sped up our packing and made sure to be more discreet about our escape. It wouldn't do for us to be trapped in if they found out they'd never get their money back from us. We didn't have enough money after all, and I had learned from my mistress' husband that if people like them didn't get their money back and their temper ran short, they might consider selling us to make sure they somehow got their money back in full.

I froze. The Ma'am had left with our nee-sans and nii-sans, something she had never done before.

 _Oh no… no. No. No._

I shivered. What were the chances that I could have ended up being the one sold for money? Or the red-haired boy, the other little children? What were the odds?

I didn't want to imagine and with a new kind of ferocity taking over my body, I packed the dried foods more quickly than before, throwing in a small pot and a pair of scissors when I remembered. That night, I dyed everyone's hair brown with plant extract, telling the kids that I wanted them to pair off and pretend to be twins; whoever stuck together the longest was going to get a rag doll from me.

Early the next morning, before the first rays of sunlight began to peek over the horizon, I woke everyone up, hushing the younger ones with the promise of a special lunch during break. I had them play a mixed game of follow-the-leader and silent cat to make sure they didn't make any noise as we slipped through the back gate into the woods.

I walked ahead of the line, while the red-haired boy trailed at the back to make sure no one got lost. We were walking extra slow since many of the children were quite young and I was carrying my brother at my front while the sick nee-san was on my back. It was during moments like this that I thanked the heavens for having me work as a maid; I gained at least a bit of muscle from the hard labor.

At noon, we reached the nearby stream to sit down for lunch break. My feet felt like they were swollen by the time I set nee-san down and fed baby brother some sweet potato porridge I had made the night before. About a half hour later, we set out again, walking alongside the stream to make sure we had enough water. I had estimated that we had enough food to last us a few days before we would have to catch fish to eat, so staying close to the stream had many benefits.

By the time evening came, we had probably walked about four to five miles before I decided to settle in for the night, our group hidden behind the enormous trunk of an uprooted tree. It took me a while, but I managed to start a fire for us to cook and eat a soup made of reconstituted mushrooms, smoke-dried pork, and bread before sleeping next to the warmth of the embers.

The next day, we were joined by a small party of refugees from a neighboring town closer to the Kusa border and they brought terrifying news with them. Kusa had fallen and Iwa was now threatening to attack our country borders. Konohagakure, which was supposed to be a place where people called shinobi lived, had sent people out as precaution. But with borders as big as ours, the only reassurance of our own safety was to move closer inland and away from the fights. There were also rumours that Ame, Ishi and Taki were considering allying with Iwa because they were smaller nations not wanting the wrath of a suddenly powerful Land of Earth. Suna was wavering between trying to remain neutral or siding with us, the Land of Fire. Due to a peace treaty they had with Konoha from the last war, they didn't like us because we put a limit on their military power, but Iwa was also a thorn to their side with all their activity.

This group of refugees had left their village with a caravan, two statuesque horses and provisions which would last us for almost another week if we pooled in our resources as well.

"Would you like some help with the children? We can have them rest in the caravan…" A young woman slowed down until she kept pace with me and gestured kindly towards some of the children who were stumbling on their feet. I looked to the sun's position and wanted to kick myself; this was when they usually took a nap, so of course they were sleepy! Walking on dirt roads for so long wasn't helping them either… I was immediately flooded with guilt for not noticing this quickly.

I turned towards the woman and nodded. "I think that will be for the best. Thank you so much….."

"Ah, my name is Nagi."

I thanked her again and brought the children to the big canvas-covered cart. Soon enough, they were all tucked in comfortably sleeping. I felt much lighter without having to carry two people for extended periods of time, and happy that they were getting some well deserved rest, I moved back to the former red-haired boy, who had declined resting because I wasn't resting either. I kept baby brother tied to my chest though.

We continued on next to the stream for a while before we found one of the trade roads that ran parallel to Ame's borders before heading towards the Land of Fire's longest body of water, the Naka River. It was towards evening, as we were making the turn away from Ame, that it happened.

The next few seconds happened so quickly. All I heard was what sounded like rawhide being stretched, then, the dull twang of it being released. There was a whistling sound and next thing we knew, an older man was struck down with a surprised shout, falling face first onto the dusty ground with an arrow to his back, as people came into view behind and in front of us.

We were completely surrounded from all sides by bandits. They immediately began slaughtering the men, grabbing a few women by the hair to drag them off the road, and cut off the reins and harness tying the horses to the caravan to prevent escape.

I circled my arms protectively around my brother as I ran along with the nii-san for the caravan. The children were frightened in a corner of the cart and nee-san was shaking like a twig, a dagger in her hands as she knelt in front of them protectively.

"Nee-san! Look out!"

I rushed for the cart when I saw a man climb through from the front where the driver was slumped sideways, blood pooling beneath him. I screamed in fright when I saw that he had a sword in one hand while the other one was removing a coil of rope from his belt, ready to kill anyone who resisted his capture. Nee-san had turned around and made ready to lunge for the man to prevent him from getting to the children first.

"No! Don't go! Nee-san, stop!" I screamed, reaching out my hands to grab at the hem of her skirt. The boy who came with me rushed to grab a gardening hoe buried under luggage and aimed to knock away the sword from the bandit's hands. But another man came into view from the front with two arrows cocked onto his bow. He released it, striking the boy's hand and shoulder. Nee-san had caught the first bandit's sword hand in her arms and stabbed it with her dagger, eliciting a cry of surprise and anger from him. He dropped his sword in pain, but he punched her with his other hand, knocking her off of him to fall painfully on her back with a bruised face and a split lip.

"This little whore! I'm going to kill you!"

Nee-san trembled and jerked away in fear. I made to reach for her and pull her back but a hand grabbed my foot and pulled hard. I heard a snap and suddenly, white hot pain shot up from my ankles into my eyes.

"Aaaahhhhhhh!" I screamed as I fell forward. "Let go, let go!"

"Imouto!"

I reached out with my hands blindly to break my fall and prevent my baby brother from being squished, but the hand started to drag me backwards, causing my hands to smack the aged wood of the cart floor really hard and stab my hands into the splinters. Another bout of pain shot up my arms and I twisted myself onto my side as I wrapped my arms around the wailing toddler. I tried to kick with my other foot, screaming along with my little brother but another hand grabbed it and pulled as well.

The last thing I knew was someone grabbing my screeching baby brother to take him away, me screaming, scratching and biting anyone who tried, and eventually getting hit across the head. Then I knew no more.

 **A/N: So, yes, this is the first chapter of the new story I'm launching! Please, please, please read and review! Your comments and thoughts will help me and my brain churn up good ideas on where this story may go! Thank you!**

 **Adieu,**

 **Hitori15**


	2. Your Memory is a Monster

Chapter 2: Your Memory is a Monster… Is It in You, or are You in It?

The ropes tied around me were tight and unforgiving, digging into my skin and scraping them raw. They had turned us away from the trail and backwards towards Kusa; their reasoning for going back to the chaos that was going on there was beyond me.

What was even more perplexing was the fact that after all the trouble they went through to try to pry my baby brother from me, they had allowed me to continue carrying him, though now, he was tied to my back. It made for an uncomfortable position for my tied hands because it forcibly made me hunch over to allow my wrists to be bound securely behind my back under my little brother's thighs, as well as forcing me to kneel- putting weight onto my injured and swelling left leg- in the limited space that was the caravan they regulated all the captives to. They had also kept a certain distance away from me throughout this time. But I hadn't really cared for that when I first woke up again to a world of pain.

They had tied all of us to the caravan, caught the horses again and took all our belongings with them. There were no men left from our group, the women were bruised and unconscious…

And nee-san and the red-haired boy were gone.

I felt like screaming, an unprecedented anger in me roiling and threatening to spill over and rage against the men who took my family members away. But I had to think for my baby brother and the other children still under my care. If I rage and act now, I would be killed and there would be no one left to protect them, powerless as I was now. I couldn't leave them like this. Not like this.

And so I silently held onto what control I had and ate what they shoved my way, begged them to allow me to set my leg properly and for the porridge I made for my baby brother, because he couldn't eat most solids at this point. They had laughed and asked me to grovel before them and kiss their dirty, dusty feet, despite the wariness they looked at me with. But I guess since they saw my compliance, they were going to take advantage of it. I did as they asked and at least they had just the tiniest shred of honor left to actually hand me the porridge.

On the third night being held captive, two of the children fell sick with a high fever and wet cough like nee-san had. My baby brother had also run out of porridge, and with all the high stress he experienced coupled with dehydration, he too began to experience a slight fever. I threw myself at the bandits' feet.

"Please, please, let me take care of the children! They're sick and need food and I know there are wild vegetables I can harvest from the forest around us." The men laughed scornfully but I trudged on. "Please let me just get some, even if it's a little!"

"Are you stupid enough to ask me to trust you not to run away if given the chance?"

"I swear! I won't run away, not without them! Have someone watch me if you want then!"

"Why should I even waste my men's time in watching you pick at weeds?" Another man fired back disdainfully. " If you guys become weak with hunger before we sell you off, then all the better since you won't have the strength to put up a fight!"

I had to think quickly as I was losing the chance to make my case. "If they look scrawny and limp, would people even want them? They couldn't possibly be sold at even the lowest price." Those words slipped out of my mouth like bitter acid, burning my tongue. I didn't want them to be sold, but I was grasping at straw hay at this point. "Besides, with so many people who need food, the provisions in the caravan won't last much longer, and there are enough wild vegetation out there to feed all of us without worry. I am experienced with picking wild plants that are edible. If you let me go pick them and take care of the children, that will be less work on your hands, right?"

The second man who had spoken scrutinized my face as he considered my words. I almost wanted to fidget and flinch under his gaze, but I held still as much as possible.

Finally, he gave an unimpressed snort and waved his hands indifferently as if to shoo me away. "I don't care if you guys starve for a day. We'll be arriving at our fort by tomorrow afternoon anyway. But I'll let you deal with the brats. They look like they're about to throw up all over the place and we're not cleaning that up. Do whatever but you're not going anywhere away from our sight and I'm not wasting my men's time on you picking stupid flowers or whatever."

At least there was a compromise and I wasn't about to let anything change his mind in letting me at least watch over the children.

"Before you're out of your ropes though…." The man smiled, something glinted in his eyes and I shuddered. "Come over here and give me a nice kiss, right here."

He pointed to his lips, and at that moment, it felt worse than kissing his feet. My imagination took over and I saw his lips as smelly and puckered like a dying fish. I shuddered again and he frowned impatiently.

"Well?! I haven't got all night and I can change my mind at anytime!"

I rose to my feet as quickly as I could without the use of my hands for balance and limped over to him, trying with all my might to not grimace before him and draw his ire. I slowly brought my face closer to him, pulling myself together to just give him one measly kiss. For the sake of the children, what was a little peck on the lips?

But he had had enough of waiting. He grabbed my arm and pull me forward roughly, smashing his lips onto mine, his rough hands grabbing my hair painfully. The other men roared with laughter when I struggled, my face red from the humiliation and from not getting enough air. He finally released me after a few seconds, my face and lips feeling gross from the slobber and a split lip when he bit it.

"Cut her ropes and watch her." He ordered one of the men. "If she so much as attempts to escape, cut off her feet. Even if she can't be sold after that, I'm sure boss would want to keep her as a toy. She's innocent and boss _loves_ to break things. I'd want to watch that happen."

I winced when one of the men came and roughly cut the ropes tying my arms behind me. The rush of sudden blood circulation in my arms was smarting and I rubbed them together, thanking them quietly before I left for the caravan. The tears I was trying to hold in broke through the dam of my will as soon as I was on my own and I hiccuped on the sob trying to work its way up my throat.

 _You need to get it together! Pull yourself together, you idiot! You need to be strong for the children! You'll get through this, you'll get through this! For their sake!_

I wiped roughly at my lips against my dirty sleeves to get rid of the vile man's saliva before I craned my neck behind me as much as I could to kiss my whimpering baby brother on the nose.

"It's okay, little brother. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Never." I whispered fiercely, kissing his nose again. He slowly quieted and patted my cheek as if to seek some reassurance. "I'm going to make sure you get out of this alive and safe… Even if it kills me."

 _Even if I end up with my feet cut off, even if I have to sell my body. I promised myself, I'd protect you. And I will!_

With my renewed resolve, I limped over to the caravan and began to clean and find whatever food was left to quietly slip them to the children. I found stale bread and water hidden in one of the dead man's baggage. I lost all appetite but my brother needed to eat something so after thanking the dead man and apologizing for looting his belongings, I dug out the whites of the bread and soaked them in water to feed the toddler. The husk, I divided into pieces and soaked lightly in water as well and passed it to the other children, who swallowed them hungrily. With a quiet promise to search for more food on our journey tomorrow, I left to sleep on the ground in front of the cart with a thin blanket, hugging my baby brother close to me for shared warmth and with a queasy stomach, the star-lit skies above me my only company.

The next day, we were led to a dilapidated wooden house shaded from view by the surrounding trees and shrubs. They tied the horses to a post on one side of the porch and the caravan to a tree trunk several yards away. They pulled all of us to the front of the porch to kneel in the dirt before a tall muscular man sitting on a bench like it was his throne. They had bound my wrists again, as tight as they were before and this time, they even gagged all of us with dirty torn clothing. The muscular man, who was obviously their boss, leaned forward on his knees with his chin propped on top of entwined fingers as he observed us through narrowed, calculating eyes.

"Make them stand."

The men dragged us onto our feet, nearly pulling my arm out of its joint. The boss finally noticed my baby brother strapped to my back, who was whimpering.

"What's a baby doing here? It's a waste of space. I won't be able to fetch any price for something like that. Get rid of it."

 _No!_ I screamed through the gag, trying to shake off anyone who tried to reach behind me to tear the now crying child off my back. But I couldn't really do much with my arms tied tightly to my back and I was barely keeping myself from falling backwards and crushing him. Some of the other women jumped from their position and bodily knocked the men away from me, trying to hold them down with their weight, but we were outnumbered by far. Soon enough, someone unsheathed a sword, slicing cleanly across the back of a woman who was trying to bite the hand holding my face down and take the wailing child off my back. I could distinctly hear her muffled scream of pain along with my brother crying out for me. She dropped to the ground instantly.

My gag somehow came loose and I screamed a plea.

"No! Stop! Please, don't hurt them! I'll do anything! Just- just don't kill him! Please, I'll do anything!"

I was crying, watching helplessly on the floor as they dangled my wailing brother upside down by his foot, ready to slaughter him while blood slowly pooled out from the injured woman's back and collected on the ground. For a brief moment, I caught a glimpse of whisps of something whirling around the leg being held so tightly in his captor's grasp and I shuddered in fear. Then it was gone. What was that?! Were they doing something to him, to make him hurt even more?

"Please!"

"You'll do anything, you say…. What makes you think you are in any position to bargain with me?" The man's laugh was deep and he looked down on me like I was an insect beneath his foot- at his mercy, which I was.

Again, with the question games, but this time, I had nothing for leverage. Nothing to reason with him. Not even forest weed. I said nothing but crawled to him.

"Please, I know-" I swallowed any remaining pride I had left bowed at his feet with my head touching the ground. I didn't care; the injured woman and my brother's life was at stake. "I know I have nothing to bargain with you, but please, I will do anything you want! Anything! Take my life instead, kill me! O-or I'll take care of him, and I swear I'll make sure he won't get in your way! Please! Just spare my brother!"

He roared with laughter, slapping his knees like I had made the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

"This determination you have, groveling at my feet like an animal just to save one little brat. I see. I would love to see that determination break, to see you lose yourself and live like a dog at his master's whim. Will you be willing to break for me then?" He grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked me to meet his face, his breath sour from alcohol. "I'll _let_ you keep him, then. I'm going to make you my slave, how about that? I'm going to break you at my pleasure till there's nothing left in those eyes of yours and your _precious_ little brother… I'm going to make him grow up watching as I tear you apart _slowly_."

He chuckled darkly. "Come here tomorrow night. Leave your brother with the other brats."

I trembled with the diminishing adrenaline and shakily thanked him repeatedly as they released my bonds.

My baby brother was going to live. He was going to _live_. I grabbed my stilling crying brother from the subordinate's grasp and held onto him tightly, smoothing his sweaty dyed hair away from his face.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay…" At this point, I wasn't sure whether I was reassuring the child or myself.

"Take the rest of the women and have them cleaned properly. We are going to head for the auction block tomorrow while they still look fresh. Leave."

They pushed us out the door and for the rest of the night, I was put to work along with a few of the less injured women to prepare food and clean. I set aside some of the potato from the soup we made and fed it to my brother as well as made sure everyone from our group was fed. I tended to the sick children and the wounded woman as best as I could, but without proper treatment from a doctor, I despaired.

For the next few days, I watched helplessly as one by one, our group was sold off, the older women quickly sold first, then the children too, were taken. I begged and pleaded for some way I could delay it from happening, first that they were sick and later, that they were too scrawny for much, and so to wait till they filled out a little more…

I was beaten for my disobedience and every night onward, that man would watch as his bastard dogs tortured me: burned me in places, cut into me, spat on my face. Sometimes, I was that close to being defiled but to lord their power over me, they would stop and dangle the idea that at anytime they desired to do so, they could. Every night, I would struggle to wait until I was alone to tend to my wounds before quietly sobbing to myself. The only comfort I had was the little child who held my heart together and prevented it from shattering into pieces, especially when tending to the two sickly children.

Their conditions, like nee-san's, didn't get better but worsened till they were coughing up blood, their lungs wheezing for air; all I could do was soothe them to the best of my ability- hold them- when they cried, feed them and make them as comfortable as possible. And one day, they just didn't open their eyes. I cried in anguish as I quietly buried them behind the caravan that night after it rained. I used a ladle and my hands to dig up the softened soil, deep enough to lay the children on top of each other and pushed the mud back on top. It took every fiber of my being not to immediately dig them back up, fearing that they were still alive and were suffocating to death by my hands. Because I knew in my head they were dead, but my heart ached for them to live.

Not long after, the wounded woman passed as well from a high fever and infection; I buried her next to the children.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and soon, fall became winter and my baby brother turned three. I still wasn't sure of when exactly he was born, so I considered the day he was handed to me his birthday. He learned to walk and run on his own surprisingly fast and it took a lot out of me to make sure he understood that he was not to run around on his own, for fear of causing the men annoyance and decide to kill him.

Because it was cold and the first bout of snow was about to come soon, I was made to go accompany the men to collect firewood before heading for the house early each morning and start a fire to prepare a breakfast for them. Under _that man's_ watch of course. Whereas his other men had initially kept their distance, their leader had no such reservations with me and soon, the others forgot about whatever caused their wariness around me.

Stepping off the caravan and out of the warm pile of old blankets, I was about to wake my brother up as well to feed him some cold potatoes for breakfast when one of _that man's_ men approached me.

He jerked his head toward the house with a sneer directed towards me. "Boss wants you in there now. Your brother is going to have to wait for his turn."

I eyed him warily before nodding mutely.

Large white puffs of snow was falling as I headed for the front door. The surroundings were quiet save for the occasional hacking sound as the men went to chop more firewood. I found myself thinking wistfully, how I wished I were just like those falling crystals, to be pure and clean from the time it left the sky to when it melted and faded away. A little moment of beauty.

I shook my head. I was me and what I needed wasn't beauty. What I needed was an opportunity to escape and then… to survive with my little brother. It was just the two of us left and if I needed to escape, it would be easier now than before. Thinking about those children and the women, the dead… It still filled me with bitter rage against our captors.

I opened the door and bowed low when I saw _that man_ was already sitting on a chair near the fireplace. There was a new deer skin rug placed in front of the hearth from the last time they successfully hunted a larger animal, deer's head preserved, fixed to a plaque of thick wood and hung at the entrance like a trophy.

"Good morning, Master…" I murmured, even as I wanted to spit in his face with disgust. But whether he saw that or not, he didn't react and continued to watch me intently. Discomfited at his sudden scrutiny of me, I quickly gathered some chopped wood beside the fireplace and began to start the breakfast fire. The quicker I finished, the better.

Something about him unnerved me today and the longer I felt his eyes on my back, the more I wanted to squirm and run as far away from him as I could.

"Come here."

I froze in the middle of lifting the plate of chopped potatoes and deer meat I was going to put into the pot of heating water. "M-master?"

"I said come here, girl."

"H-hai…"

My shaking hands let go of the plate with a clatter and a smirk appeared on his ugly face. I walked hesitantly towards him until I came to a stop a few paces away from him.

"Is there s-something you need?" My heart pounded violently against my ribcage as I saw a flash of something I couldn't comprehend cross his eyes.

In a matter of seconds, he jerked forward, grabbed my arm and yanked me to the floor. I screamed in fear and surprise. He chuckled darkly as his eyes roved over me and I wanted to retch, suddenly knowing what he wanted to do. I began to struggle but he immediately sat on my hips and held my bony wrists in one hand above my head. I had never felt more helpless and vulnerable than at that moment.

"Let go! _Let go!_ What are you doing, you bastard!" I snarled as I thrashed about, trying to get out from under him. He backhanded me hard across the face.

"Ooh, what happened to calling me your master, you whore?" He used his other hand to grab me roughly by the jaw to meet his eyes. "It seems that even with the rough treatment my men gave you, you haven't broken yet. So I'm going to try something with you. I'm going to make sure you slowly fall apart. I want to see the light in your eyes dim until you're nothing but a broken doll. _I want to see it!_ "

"No! Stop! Let go!" Something wavered in the back of my mind as I continued to thrash. Voices. He punched me across the temple and I saw white and black spots blur my vision.

Then- then everything suddenly became blurry.

There was pain… then, shouting.

Voices and red.

Voices.

Shouting.

A blazing fire.

Pain.

Voices.

Pain.

Red.

Red.

Shouting.

Pain.

A voice- "Mama?"

A searing pain, a voice calling, cold, burning and white snow.

Blood?

Then, it was pitch black.

×2×2×2×2×2

In between the voices speaking loudly in the distance, the distinct, repetitive beeping annoyingly next to me and the searing pain the bright lights trying to filter through my clogged eyelashes brought to my eyes and brain, I remembered feeling a panic over something I was now trying to grasp ahold of and yet eluded me, leaving me in an even worse state. It took a moment (perhaps a few seconds, perhaps hours) before the voices became slightly more distinct; some panicked, some… I couldn't keep a single strand of thought together. There was only paralyzing pain and my violently beating heart, which seemed to be mirrored by the background noise.

"...said, that wasn't supposed to happen. Her response to the mind probing should not have been so violent…" A slightly shaken, deep voice of a man floated into my ears.

"What… Inoichi?" Another man's voice filtered through, one that was much more wizened and can only come from a person much older. "… you see?"

The voices cleared as I became more aware of my surroundings, even through the pain that kept me from moving. "… supposed to be able to control the mind probing so that only the memories I chose would be shown to me as images. But for some reason, the jutsu… out of my hands… she was forced to relive it when I opened the memories. That wasn't supposed to happen. She- it's much more than I thought... to have to go through something like that at her age. And that child in her memories is no doubt…"

"I think that's enough for today then. I'm sure she's been through enough. Genma, call a nurse in here to stabilize the girl. Crane, check in with Ibiki and see how the interrogation is progressing. Inoichi-kun, go home and rest. Bring me a full report on what you saw to me by tomorrow morning. Kakashi-kun, would you go see to-"

I finally registered that this Inoichi mentioned a child in the haze and suddenly realized the source of my residue panic. My baby brother! Where was he?! Why couldn't I hear him with me?!

I reached out a shaking hand blindly. I couldn't even tell whether I was moving my left or right one, just the one in less pain. "My… brother!" I rasped weakly, the pain- the aching of my wounds, I'm sure- rendering me boneless and gasping for air. "W-where is he?! _Where is he?!_ "

Someone's leathery hand encompassed my wrist gently to stop my movement, as if that hand's presence would soothe my agitation. But it only reminded me of another person's larger hand: hard, unforgiving, and brutal. I screamed hoarsely in fear.

"No! Let go!" I swatted the hand away desperately despite the jolt of white hot fire searing my arm at the movement and swung it behind me to find purchase to sit myself up. I became aware of another pair of hands holding my shoulders carefully to try to push me back onto the bed and I resisted. "Don't touch me! _Let go! Give me my brother back!_ "

"Get a medic in here now! She's going to reopen her stitches!"

"Give me my brother!" I was a blind sobbing mess by then. I could almost feel my face turning a sickly shade of grey as I cried and expelled my body's much needed oxygen. "D-don't take him away! Don't kill him… please! Let-let us go, letusgoletusgoletusgo…"

I moaned in pain at my weakening body and at the sensation of my side slowly tearing open. A door crashed open and a new voice came in. I felt something enter me through a pin prick in my arm and then, as some of the pain lessened and I was forced to return to that terrifying darkness, a hand smoothed back the hair that had fallen on my face.

"Your brother is fine, he's okay. You're alright. You're going to be alright…"

The next time I woke again, my thoughts were still murky but clearer. And so was my immediate attention to my baby brother's absence in the room.

"My baby brother, where is he?!" I demanded as fiercely as my dry throat would allow, only to wheeze and cough.

"Calm down. We're going to bring him over now that you're up. He's been crying for you for a long time now."

I turned to my left to see a man with shocking white hair hand me a cup of water. I flinched involuntarily at his close proximity. There was a quizzical expression crossing his face and he held his other hand out in a placating manner.

"I'm just going to hand you a cup of water; I'm not going to hurt you." His voice sounded awfully young for someone with such hair coloring. The way he tied the strap of cloth diagonally over his left eye made his weirdly styled hair flop to one side like a patch of dying white grass. Half of his face was covered so the only thing that was visible was his right eye. I watched him warily as I reached with trembling hands for the cup of water, careful not to touch his fingers. In the back of my mind, if I had been the one watching my reaction on the outside, I would have probably looked like a cornered animal. But I couldn't hold onto it and was forced to sip it through a straw while he held the cup near carefully.

I initially took a few tentative sips of water, but I was soon drinking a second cup like desertland soaks up moisture, enjoying the sweetness going down my parched throat and washing away some of the bitter taste in my mouth. I was about done with the glass of water and had returned to eyeing the strange young man suspiciously when the door opened to reveal a man rather short in stature but old, his white robes swishing against the floor, a tall man with his blond hair tied in a ponytail and finally a dark-eyed young boy with his black, sleek hair tied at the nape of his neck. His face seemed older than his actual age.

That person held baby brother, in all his yellow-haired glory, and he was kicking up a fuss, whining and pushing against his bearer to be let down as soon as he saw me.

"Mama! Mama!"

The dark-haired boy approached me and this time, without hesitation, I reached out despite my arms and sides protesting. I plucked my baby brother out of his arms, even as I hissed in pain and wrapped my arms around him tightly, tears rolling down my cheeks as the heavy anxious feelings lifted off my chest at finally seeing him. My baby brother.

I looked at the crown of his head, his blond hair clean, sleek and soft like raw silk.

His dye was washed off. I grabbed a fistful of my own hair and saw that mine had been washed off as well- it was now ink-black.

I hugged his tiny body a little tighter to myself and rubbed his back soothingly, though I kept a wary eye on the other occupants of the room. I stroked the boy's soft hair. "I'm here. I'm here."

"Mama ouch?" He looked up at me with fear in his eyes. "No bad man?"

I kissed his forehead, my heart aching with tender love for him. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to keep him safe.

"I'm better because you're here."

I turned to the men, unease settling in my chest by how many there were surrounding me. I wanted to hide my brother behind me protectively. "Where is this? Why are we here?"

"No need to fear, child." The elderly man walked slowly to a chair not far from the bed and sat down. I recognized his voice from before as the one giving out orders. "You are in Konohagakure hospital right now and you're safe. Do you know of this place?"

"I-I have heard it from my mistress before…. I was going to travel to a town near this place because there were rumours that Iwa was going to attack the border soon."

"So you lived near the border?"

"Yes… though I'm not sure where that is… I have never really left the Home before and the Ma'am only allowed us to go into town to work for food. The first time she ever took any of the children out of town was when….." My breath hitched a little and the elder immediately dropped the question for another.

"Who is this 'Ma'am?"

"None of us know her name, really… We're generally left to ourselves after we are brought to the Home. We used to have an aunty there but when some of us grew old enough, I guess the Ma'am fired her? She owned the place after all and the aunty no longer came by."

"Why does your brother call you mother when you say he is your brother?"

There was no use lying about the fact that we weren't blood related so I told him the truth. "He was handed to me by the Ma'am when he was a newborn and he just… stuck with it. It's not like he's old enough to know the difference. Why-why am I being asked these questions? Didn't you see enough when you did that mind thing you mentioned before?"

The blond man stepped up and held his hands up in a placating manner. "It's just to make things clearer for us so we can better understand why we found you the way we did…"

Air got caught in my throat as I remembered _that man_ , that bastard who threatened my brother's life, and sold my family while he left the weaker ones for dead. The children and that woman I had to bury...

"Where is _that man_? Is he..?" I licked my drying lips. "The other men, are they dead? Are they gone?"

The blond looked over to the elder and he nodded.

"Go ahead, Inoichi." The blond, Inoichi, looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"We caught a few of the slave traders for questioning while the others are dead."

"How?"

He gave me a questioning look. " They were apparently killed by Iwa ninja."

"Good."

Now he really scrutinized me and I flinched under his gaze. But a look of understanding came over him and he grimaced. He didn't say anything after that.

"From… the reports I got from Inoichi here, I noticed something peculiar about this Home you lived in… What is your name, child?"

" … Name?"

"Just like this young man here is called Kakashi," the elder pointed to the silver-haired boy-man at my left, then to Inoichi, to the old looking young boy, and then to himself, "he is Inoichi, this young boy is Itachi and my name is Hiruzen. We all have names given to us to help identify who we are. Were the children not given one…?"

"... No. Older children were called nee-san and nii-san by the younger children, just as we call them little brother or sister. The Ma'am is… the Ma'am and most of us older children work as servants. Our… masters and mistresses never needed to know who we were, nor did we need to who they were… They were just… them…" I eyed them carefully. "Is that strange? Is… that wrong?"

The elder, Hiruzen shook his head. "It's not your fault… But if you think about it, wouldn't it be easier to have a name instead of without? It can help you find someone easier, right? It would be less confusing. Would you like to have a name?"

I hesitated. It did sound logical to have one instead of calling everyone aunties, uncles, little brothers, nee-sans and the like. It did often get confusing at the Home. "Okay… But what would I call myself and little brother?"

"Would you be willing to let me name the both of you?"

It wasn't like I could say no if I didn't know how to 'name' myself or baby brother so I nodded. These people seemed like they didn't intend to kill me… I decided to let people who knew this naming business better than I did, do the job.

Hiruzen smiled in satisfaction. "Good. Then rest here for a few more days and after that… hmm, Inoichi here will bring you to my office and get your names. There are things that need to be done to help you with your stay here as well, and some other questions I need to ask you later. In the meantime, why don't I have a nurse bring some food up for you two soon?"

I nodded quickly, my mouth salivating, but I wasn't ready to show that much vulnerability to these strangers yet, knowing their 'names' or not. "Thank you… Hiruzen-san."

The other men had such strange looks on their faces but Hiruzen just waved his hand dismissively with a good-natured chuckle.

"I will see you soon then, children."

The room quickly emptied save for me and little brother, who snuggled up to me. I smiled and eased myself back down onto the bed, still holding him to me, unable to shut my eyes only to wake up and find that this place was a dream. We were in Konohagakure. We were in _Konoha_ ….

But Inoichi said many of their captors were killed by Iwa ninja, right? So how did that happen? What had exactly happened before I wound up in this shinobi village…?

"Mama?" My little brother grabbed my new shirt with his little hands, turning my attention to his person. I noticed that his shirt had puppy patterns on it and I smiled in amusement. It looked so cute on him. Could he keep it?

"Yes, little brother?"

"Luf you."

I felt my eyes moisten with tears and cuddled him closer, my cheek to his forehead as I nuzzled my nose in his clean, sweet smelling hair.

"I love you too, baby brother. I love you too."

.

.

 _"Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you!"_

 _\- John Irving_

 **A/N: So this is the second chapter! Truthfully, I had a much harder time writing stories in the first person than I thought there would be and churning up a chapter took a lot longer compared to WFSM. Still, I'll continue to try my best in writing! I'm still debating if I want to have the eventual main characters follow canon events or have this veer completely off. Also, there's the challenge of what to write for a character who is a civilian while ninety plus percent of the other characters are ninja…. Ehhhhhh, Updating this story will prove to be a challenge!**

 **Well hope you liked this second chapter installment! Please read and definitely review! That'll definitely get my brain churning with new and better ideas of the details for this story's direction!**

 **Adieu,**

 **Hitori15**


	3. The Man Who can Keep a Secret

Chapter 3: The Man Who can Keep a Secret… and the Girl Who Needs to Find It

My days after that, absent of any color but white and gray of the hospital room, was stressful and a bit hazy. The general details of what happened was largely subsumed by my fear of what the future held for me and my little brother during the day, and by my struggle to escape the nightmares (of being beaten, of red, fire and blood on white snow) which refused to free me from their grip during the night. Coupled with severe malnutrition, internal and external injuries the nurses and doctors refused to elaborate on, I was taking a lot longer to recover than I was comfortable with. Everything around me seemed to both fog over yet sharpen at the same time, making me rather hyper sensitive to sudden noises and to the people around me.

Despite the medical staff's persistent dissuasion, I held onto my baby brother fiercely, carrying him against my hip when the time came for me to see Hiruzen at this office of his, wary and ready to fight my way out tooth and nail if I had to in order to protect my brother. But as the tall building my guide and guard, Inoichi, called the Hokage Tower came into view as we walked there, I suddenly became much more apprehensive; something slowly clicked into place like piecing together broken pottery. For someone to have an office within such a grand, tall building as this, certainly, they would be a very important person? When I asked what Hiruzen's occupation was, Inoichi's dryly amused answer had the blood in my face drain away faster than the speed at which my baby brother used to drink his milk when ravenous.

"Why, Sarutobi-sama is the leader of this village, the Sandaime Hokage. That _is_ why his office is in the Hokage Tower…"

I nearly cried in horror. "Well, I didn't know what a Hokage was!"

To think that I had so rudely called the Sandaime Hokage-sama, leader of a shinobi village, by his first name, to have glared so heatedly at him when he came to visit a lowly person like me in the hospital- for me to have shown none of the respect one of such high status as he was due… surely, it was very well punishable by death?!

I must have either looked close to fleeing or fainting, because Inoichi put a steadying hand on my shoulder and asked after my condition with a troubled expression. He didn't let go of my shoulder the rest of the way up to the Hokage's office, though he made sure to keep the hold light.

"Ah, I see that the medics finally freed you from their clutches, though I'm sure they were very reluctant." The Sandaime-sama lightly teased when we entered the spacious room. He was _lightly teasing_ me. _Jovial_ , like I was his old friend, or his granddaughter, or a citizen of his village…. None of which were true.

 _What?!_

I ignored my confusion and threw myself to the ground after setting baby brother down. I smacked my forehead against the wooden floor in the most reverent form of bowing I had learned, praying that this leader was merciful enough to at least spare my innocent baby brother, who was not old enough to have possibly learned to give proper respect to someone of higher status than he. This fault, this ignorance, was my own to bear the consequences for.

"This- this servant greets m'lord, Sandaime-sama! This lowly one deeply apologizes for this servant's impertinence and ignorance of m'lord's importance and deserves death! But please, please have mercy and spare this servant's baby brother! Kill this lowly one if m'lord must, but please, this servant's brother is still so young, barely out of his infanthood and-"

"What on Earth-!"

"Stand up, lest you injure yourself again, child! No one is being punished! Inoichi-kun!"

Inoichi's large hands immediately gripped my shoulders and pulled me up like I was fragile glass. I perhaps looked that way, though I wouldn't know; I've never seen how I looked like. But that wasn't exactly on my priority list in comparison to what just registered in my mind. Was he really not going to take offense for my oversight? I voiced my question, half in building hope, half in wary suspicion that he was playing me for a fool.

"Th-this servant is forgiven?"

"There was nothing to forgive. I had told you nothing of me save my first name… and you shouldn't address yourself that way. You're not a servant here." The Hokage sighed tiredly muttering that he almost had a heart attack at the sudden groveling and gestured towards one of two wooden chairs placed before him.

"Have a seat here, child. There was no need for posturing on the floor like that." The desk separating us, as I sat with baby brother on my lap, was piled high with papers, books and scrolls. There was a small blue picture frame peaking out from behind the paper mountain, the only color I saw decorating his table. Inoichi made to stand further away to give me space and leaned against the wall with his arms lightly crossed at his chest to watch.

"Now that things have calmed down, let us properly introduce ourselves again to avoid any future confusion, shall we?" He smiled at me with a gentleness that could only be associated with wizened grandfathers when speaking with their favored grandchild. But I wasn't one and it was both puzzling and uncomfortable somehow. I wasn't used to that kind of attention. "My name is Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Sandaime Hokage and the leader of Konohagakure, the shinobi Village Hidden in the Leaf."

He gestured towards Inoichi. "This person here is Yamanaka Inoichi-kun, a shinobi of this village and also the leader of his clan."

 _Oh no, oh no… So I may have managed to insult not one leader, but two?!_

Yamanaka Inoichi-sama chuckled and waved his hand dismissively. He must have seen my stricken face. "Again, you didn't know, we didn't tell you. There's no need to fear that we were insulted. Stop worrying."

I gave a small, tentative nod and bowed my head. "Thank you for your kindness, Yamanaka Inoichi-sama, Sarutobi Hiruzen-sama…"

The two men suddenly looked highly amused.

"It seems there is much to teach you to get you assimilated here… that is if you wish to stay…?" The Hokage chuckled.

"I do!"

"Well then, the first thing you need to know is that you don't have to call us by our full name. Just Yamanaka and Sarutobi will do. Now then, I did say I was going to give you each a name, didn't I?"

I nodded in curiosity and anticipation. Having a name seemed so… dignifying.

Sarutobi-sama handed to me two pieces of paper, each with characters written on them. Should I have mentioned to them that I couldn't read?

"Um, please pardon me, Sarutobi-sama… but I don't know my letters and characters. What is written on the paper, sir?"

The two adults looked at me in surprise and I knew, I had much to learn indeed…

The rest of the meeting went generally well, if I could recall and understand half of what went on. They asked me questions about the things Yamanaka-sama reported in paper from what he saw in my memories, such as about my early years in the Home; they explained the Home was actually an institution for parentless children called an orphanage. They also asked me what the Ma'am looked like, how many children there were, who worked where and if a lot of people had left town when I took leave of the place as well. I answered their questions as best as I could and by the time they were done asking at least an hour and a half's worth, my head felt swollen and they took pity.

They had then set me up to an apartment close to the Hokage Tower and gave me a little booklet they said was my bank account through which they would send me money every beginning of the month until I was situated in the village comfortably enough. I immediately protested the idea, afraid of burdening them when I couldn't do anything in return for their kindness. There had been a resulting gleam in Sarutobi-sama's calculating yet soft eyes.

"Well then, you can repay my kindness by going to the daycare nearby and meeting someone for me at eight tomorrow morning. You can bring your little brother there with you of course."

There was one other thing they asked of me as well: I was to go with three groups of their shinobis they called Anbu back to the place of my captivity to help finish their investigation, provide any details as a witness and perhaps, remember the events that happened towards the end of our ordeal. It seemed that the memories were somehow locked into the back of my unconscious and even Yamanaka-sama would not been able to see them clearly without causing permanent damage to my mental health. I had been hesitant in going, after all the things we the captives went through but I knew I needed to recover those memories and I also thought back on what I left behind… more like who I left behind. I asked for permission to do something there in return, should I agree to go; I wanted to dig up the three I had to bury hastily and without honor, to bring them back to Konoha and lay them to rest properly. It just didn't seem right that I was given the chance to escape the horrors of those days and that kind of peace couldn't be given to those three even in death. The two leaders allowed it quite readily.

So here I was, standing before the doors of the daycare center with my hand grasping and engulfing my little brother's tinier one. I nervously knocked on the front door and waited for someone to answer.

The door opened and a chestnut-haired woman peeked past the door with a welcoming smile. "Well, hello! You must be the one Hokage-sama mentioned." She opened the door wider and smiled gently down at my baby brother. "Oh, why hello there, cutie! This is your little brother, isn't he!"

I bowed low in greeting and nodded. "Thank you for seeing us so late in the afternoon. My… name is Izumi and this is my little brother, Miharu."

"Oh! What lovely names! Let me guess, he's three years old?"

"Eh?!" I was surprised she could guess his relative age… At least I think he should be three by now. I didn't know where to start counting, but I guess it would have to do. "Yes, he is, but how did you know?"

"His name is Miharu, isn't it? Can I see the documents Hokage-sama wanted you to hand in?"

I quickly handed over the papers and she pointed out the characters of my brother's- Miharu's name. "See here, I was right! Miharu means three Springs, so his birthday is right around the corner right?"

My mind stuttered to a halt. "Wait… What? Isn't it still winter?"

The lady laughed jovially. "Moving here must have been hard on you if you lost track of time! It's March already, the third month of the year! Spring is here already, even if it still feels like Winter from time to time." She pointed to a tree behind me in front of the gates. "Turn and see for yourself! If you look close enough, you'll see the beginnings of buds at the branch tips."

Sure enough, there were brown and green little buds on the tips of the delicate looking branches. My eyes widened in alarm and I quickly searched for another tree, a nearby bush, the soil of the front gardens. They were moist and signs of plant life were beginning to show no matter where I looked. The lady gave me a sympathetic pat on my shoulder.

"Moving from another town definitely took a toll on you, what with a baby brother to look after and all. I'll help you get settled down and you can start working here next week, while your brother is enrolled in the daycare till he's six years old. For now why don't I show you where the market is, and other important places you'll need to know about?"

"Um, I'm supposed to work here?" I was mighty confused at this point. Another surprise thrown my way. "Sarutobi-sama didn't mention this…"

"Ah ha, he's pulling your leg, is he?" She laughed again. "He likes to do that a lot when he's in a good mood, and from what I've seen, you're probably the type of person who doesn't like being in other people's debt, are you?" I gaped at her like a fish desperate for air when out of water.

"It's what usually happens when he tries to help people like you. He doesn't want you to turn down his help. He's cunning that way; leading people by the nose while they're still unaware… but that's neither here nor there. I've digressed. Let's get going shall we?"

I had no idea what just happened, with her babbling and using words I didn't know, but I was thankful for her help anyway. I wasn't prideful nor foolishly stubborn enough to not accept necessary help when I just began to live in an entirely new place. I bowed deeply again in gratitude. "Thank you so much for your help and your future guidance. Please treat me well; I'm in your hands, …"

"Oh dear, I still haven't introduce myself, huh… " She scratched at a flushed cheek sheepishly but then bowed towards me as well. "Well, I'm sure we'll get along splendidly and it's definitely my pleasure to make your acquaintance! My name is Michika; inner beauty and knowledge is like fragrant incense."

.

3

.

It was Spring. It was the beginning of March and it was Spring.

How much time had I lost? Was I unconscious in the hospital this entire time or have I lost all my memories from mid-November… or was it both? If it was the latter, how much of my conscious memory was lost and how much of it was because I was unconscious? What had happened? How was I not told I lost probably almost four months worth of my life?

I was dazed with the onslaught of questions I asked myself as Michika-san helped me buy some basic groceries, toiletries and other necessities for my new apartment. I was listening with half a mind as she pointed out stalls she knew had good products, places to buy good furniture and affordable places she liked to eat at.

When I finally separated from Michika-san, I found out belatedly as well, that the apartment already contained furniture sent in by the Hokage with the first month of rent paid for. It wasn't a grand place, nor did it seem like it was ready to fall apart. It was a nicely sized two-bedroom apartment with an eat-in-kitchen, a cozy living room and a small bathroom fitted with a shower stall, a sink and a toilet. The kitchen was well equipped with cabinets, a small stove, a sink and a wooden table big enough to sit four people, while the living room had a used light grey colored couch and a dark brown coffee table. Each bedroom was fitted with a bed, a closet and a drawer. It was well furnished, to say the least.

That night, after everything in the apartment was largely set up and put together with my broth- Miharu contentedly sleeping in his own little bed, I sat down at the kitchen table and stared blankly at the pastel yellow walls around me, still unsure of whether I was dreaming this up half dead in captivity or that it was real. Was- was I truly safe now? Am I here? I pinched myself really hard.

"Ow!" I rubbed my forearm furiously watching as the area I abused became red. Well… that proved I was living in reality (I hope) but… the fear, the indescribable haze that had me focused on Miharu and nothing else but surviving; I was wavering between finally letting myself go and replace those feelings with relief or holding onto them because they were the only things I knew for so long. I still couldn't let go. Everything was happening so fast that to suddenly let go of those emotions seemed to mean that everything I had experienced with those feelings before were unreal- merely a figment of my imagination.

Besides, I still felt like I couldn't trust in the people I met so fully yet. There seemed to be so many things I didn't know and that they hadn't or wouldn't tell me. And it was about my own situation as well.

No, I cannot let myself relax yet. Not without knowing that Miharu and I were absolutely safe from the danger. Not yet. For now, I must still remain strong.

With that in mind, I stole one last look at Miharu's sleeping face at his door as I headed to my own room and in leaving my door open just in case, I got into bed for a long night of fighting off demons, questions and just hoping that maybe, maybe I'll have a moment of solitude for myself.

.

3

.

Meeting nine masked, intimidating people at the gates of the village, even if I was accompanied by a familiar face like Yamanaka-sama, was intimidating enough. But to be carried on the back of one of them and watch as the scenery around me passed my face as nothing but colors on our way back to the place of my nightmares was an indescribable experience all on its own.

We were (they were) running through the treetops, landing on one branch to another, somehow, by using something warm that I felt travel from the shinobi's lower back, to the thighs and disappeared down to his feet to propel forward away from the branch we landed on to the next one at speeds that left me slightly dizzy if not fearful. I encircled my hands around the masked person's neck a little tighter and the person chuckled, the rumbling of his back reverberating through me and I pouted.

"I won't drop you, don't worry." His low voice traveled towards me with little difficulty as I was all but attached to his back with my growing fear of heights. "But if you strangle me any further, I just might accidentally."

I immediately almost let go entirely and he had to tighten his grip on me to prevent me from flipping off his back due to the strong winds caused by their traveling speeds. "I'm sorry, Shinobi-sama!"

"Just call me Wolf, Izumi-chan. And relax, once your eyes start adjusting to our traveling speed you might be able to glimpse some parts of our surroundings." There was a lightness and laughter in his voice as he spoke gently.

I nodded into his shirt, my eyes still tightly shut with my face buried into his shoulders, but I willed myself to listen to him. I took a moment to breath in and out deeply before hazarding a try. Slowly opening my eyes, I lifted up my head away from him and peered cautiously to my left before promptly shutting my eyes again from the dizziness. It was still a blurry array of colors and I almost wanted to accuse Wolf-san of lying that it would get better.

"Try looking ahead instead. I promise it'll help."

I wanted to ignore him from now on, but something in me grudgingly wanted to try again. I didn't want to go home to tell my brother I was being a wimp or that I wasn't strong enough to get past my fears, let alone protect him. This time, I did as Wolf-san suggested and peered past his shoulders.

The green foliage and patches of sunlight seemed slower than when I looked to the sides for some reason, as the images filtered into my vision. It was indeed better. Especially now that I was less wired up, I began to hear the birds and other sounds of wildlife around me in the silence of our travel and even more silent footsteps. For the first time since we began to travel, I finally felt my muscles relax. Since we were so high up in the trees, the sky seemed even closer than I could ever dream of and for a moment, I wanted to let go and reach out to see if I could graze at the edges of the clouds. The way shinobi's ran must surely be an amazing way to travel.

"Thank you, Wolf-san." I whispered, a little shy at my previous distrust of him. He only nodded, adjusted his grip on me and the rest of the travel remained in relative silence as I continued to admire the peaceful surroundings to settle my nerves.

The scenery when we arrived: the run-down wooden house with a bench teetering on three legs on the porch, the now dead horses still tied to the wooden beam on the left and the caravan bound to the thick tree several feet away near the edge of the clearing; all of it was still as clearly burned into my memory as if it were yesterday. The shouts of pain, the crying and the slave traders' raucous, grating laughter screamed at me in the back of my mind. I didn't realize I was hyperventilating till Wolf-san put a hand gently on my shoulder and snapped me out of it. Though not before I scrambled away from him thinking he was one of them in my memories. He backed off easily and I apologized.

"Let me know if you remember anything. Some of us will be exploring the surroundings and the house for our investigation." I nodded, mute. Remember… Right I was missing memories and needed them.

I followed them to the house, afraid of being alone. Wolf-san may be a man but in the present, I recognized that he was not _that man_ or one of the slave traders so I knew I would be relatively safe with him.

Walking into the tiny house again was the hardest part of the whole experience. Every fiber of my being was screaming, pleading for me to turn around and just go back to Miharu without ever having to remember my time there. For every creak of the old, damp wood as I walked up the steps of the front porch and the cracking as the Anbu removed the rest of the broken door before allowing me to enter into the living room, the nightmares that I had managed to keep at bay as only part of dreams became more and more alive in me. I must have turned extremely pale for the rather small build of another Anbu with the mask of a crow came into view but hesitated in touching me.

His voice was quiet like he was talking to a frightened injured animal. "Would you like to stay outside? Technically speaking, there may not be anything you would remember that we wouldn't find through hard evidence, though your memories may help clarify our findings. You don't need to force yourself."

I shook my head stubbornly. "No… if I can't overcome even this part of my past, how am I supposed to expect myself to protect my baby brother? How am I supposed to face the children I lost and the lady who helped protect Miharu even at the cost of her life if I can't even remember things that may help complete the investigation? I won't be able to face even myself." I swallowed and turned a shaky smile in the crow-masked Anbu's direction. "Please let me try."

He stared at me silently for a little while longer before nodding, but stayed near the doorway and watched my movements from time to time while examining what was left of the entryway.

The box shaped living room was just as I remembered, the deerskin rug at the center close to the fireplace, now bloodied and partly shredded. Parts of the dark wood flooring was charred here and there like something had burned the wood but managed to keep it from catching fire and spreading. There were splintered pieces of wood of what used to be the table, the one _that man_ had sat at on that last day I remembered while I'd been preparing breakfast…

At that thought, I edged through the doorway a little further in and peaked at the fireplace to see that the pot I'd made stew in had rusted over and the water long dried into the wood. There was also a large moldy patch where the boiling water must have seeped into the already worn wood, bits of unidentifiable remains of what might have been the deer meat and potatoes lay scattered among broken shards of a plate next to it on the ground. There was a staircase in the back of the room on the right side, facing the entrance and a broken couch at the opposite wall on the left close to the fireplace.

"I know _that man_ , the leader of the slave traders, slept upstairs in one of the rooms… I think the first one next to the stairway. He only ever allowed me in there when he felt like…. It usually happened at night and they don't have anything but candles to light the halls so… I can't be too sure I remember the layout or what else is there…" My gripped my pants with trembling hands. "Sorry, but I- I don't think I want to go up there…"

"That's fine, Izumi-san." The feminine voice came from the Anbu shinobi with the cat mask. "Thank you for your information. Would you like to see if there are anything you might want to salvage from this place or in the wagon outside? Wolf, mind going with her?"

Wolf-san nodded and I thanked the both of them quietly and hurried outside. I exhaled the heavy feeling that permeated the house and had saturated my entire being a moment ago, now feeling lighter than before. I never want to step back in there again.

Focusing instead on the caravan, I walked up to it with an unease of a different kind. It was almost exactly the same as I last remembered it to be, except for the weathered and browned canvas, dirtied from the snow and rain of the winter and early Spring. There were holes here and there from the prodding wildlife tended to do when unusual things were left alone in their territory long enough. The belongings in the wagon were slightly tossed or rolled here and there by those same creatures and possibly other bandits who may have passed by. The latter possibility was rendered impossible though, as I pulled out a few bank notes and a bag of silver coins from one of small compartments inside a bag. There were also a few toys that belonged to the children, clothing, blankets, mummified bits of rotted potato the day I left it in the wagon for Miharu to eat. I quickly sorted through things I could still keep and Miharu's long lost rag doll, while Wolf-san took out a roll of paper, made some quick hand gestures and disappeared the pile.

"Um… "

"They are in the scroll for storage, Izumi-chan. It'll be easier for us to bring them back with us to the village that way."

"No, that… wasn't what I wanted to ask you… Would you- um… would you help me bring-bring them…." I didn't know what I wanted to say anymore and gestured helplessly to the ground next to the rotting vehicle; something as simple as wanting to take the people I cared for away from this awful place, to bring them and myself a measure of peace and closure… I couldn't find the right words to convey my intentions clearly. Fortunately, Wolf-san seemed to immediately understand and nodded, giving me a reassuring pat on my head. He was most likely informed of my request to the Hokage before setting out.

He motioned for two other people to come over and soon set to the task of unearthing the two children and the lady out from their crude and hastily made graves while I debated between watching the extraction process or leaving the scene for a while to give myself some room to breath. It wasn't exactly a pleasant memory for me to revisit. I could still feel the coolness of their bodies, the opaque gaze of their eyes which stared at nowhere when I checked, and the stiffness that set upon them faster with the rain and cool nights.

I shook my head and stood stiffly as the team pulled the bodies out one by one using their ways of moving the soil gently without even using their hands.

"You're finally getting out of here." I whispered emotionally, "I'm bringing you home."

.

3

.

Working, taking care of Miharu, keeping the apartment and making sure everything was in order was a lot more taxing than when I was at the orphanage. At least when I was too busy, I could have another one of the children, those still too young to work outside but old enough to take of others, to watch over Miharu. But now, I was completely alone, the daycare during work hours my only saving grace. It was only then, that I could focus on doing my job while he was preoccupied in meeting new friends.

"Mama, I'm hungwy~..." Miharu whined petulantly as he came out from my room after his afternoon nap. I smiled and gently pulled at his cheeks. He was learning to speak much quicker than I had expected.

"You ate a snack just two hours ago before your nap, little brother, and you're hungry already? If I give you something to eat now, you'll spoil your appetite for dinner…"

"But Mama, I wanna eeeaaat. Pweaaase?" He looped his arms around my skirt covered leg and rubbed his face into it tiredly. He looked so cute, I couldn't say no to him anymore and sighed. I really needed to be more firm with him.

"You promise me to eat only a little for snack and to eat all your food at dinner, even the onions?" I laughed inwardly when he pouted but nodded his head in agreement before pinky promising me. I opened a cabinet and retrieved his favorite senbei crackers for him to nibble on with a glass of milk while I took three more to the butsudan* I had set up in the living room.

I had the three bodies cremated on the spot during the investigation a week ago to be brought back with us because the bodies still reeked heavily of decay and death, and it was easier to store in scrolls than a full body. And since I couldn't afford a proper burial, nor the land for them to buried in, I kept them at home until one day, I would be able to buy a plot of land to do so. For now, I'll pay my respects in the only few ways I can.

It was the next day during lunch break that I made an appointment to go see Sarutobi-sama again. The past few days, no the past few weeks, made me realize just how much I was in the dark about events that happened to my person and even visiting the one place I vowed never to go back to didn't work to ignite any of my buried memories. I needed to know, at least for the sake of my sanity.

I met with the secretary and he brought me once again to the door of the Hokage.

"Sarutobi-sama." I bowed low as I entered his office. It was just as messy as the first time I saw the room.

"Ah, Izumi-chan. I hope you have adjusted well with living here. How is working at the daycare?" He observed my face before smiling genially, though this time, I couldn't help but stay wary at that expression.

I nodded in thanks anyway and answered his questions. "I have adjusted rather well, thank you, sir. The daycare staff has been treating me well and training me. They've also been really patient with me in learning to read and write." I couldn't help but smile with happiness.

"Thank you again for giving us our names. Michika-san explained their meaning to me and I'm very honored by the care you put into naming us."

"Hmmm, that's good to hear, good to hear…" Sarutobi-sama puffed leisurely on his pipe and lightly tapped the burnt tobacco out into the stone ashtray on the left of his desk. He rummaged in his drawer to take a tin out and proceeded to stuff some fresh leaves into the pipe opening. "So how can I help you today, Izumi-chan?"

He seemed too nonchalant, his actions. "Forgive me for being straightforward and seeming ungrateful for your help, Sarutobi-sama, but I have to wonder why you're helping me so much? Could it be possible that you would help any civilian child with no name and no background to this extent or is there something there s-something being hidden from me?" My stutter aggravated me and I steeled my nerves.

"Why would you be willing to go so far as to find me a comfortable apartment, furnish said apartment, pay the first month rent and even set up a job for me, all without my immediate knowledge? Why are you being so nice to me and Miharu-chan?" I held his gaze with defiance against my instinct to look away as one with lower status would before their superior. "And the fact that I may have lost not just a few days of memory due to being unconscious at the hospital but months of it? Just what is going on?"

Sarutobi-sama only seemed to pause for a moment in preparing his pipe before he looked back down and moved on… ahh, I see. It was as if he had anticipated my questioning of his motives. Finally, after the tobacco was relit and in taking a long draught of the fume, he looked into my gaze again with examination before he spoke.

"In truth, I hadn't really expected you to gain the courage to ask me those questions until much later; perhaps not for another few months. But then, you seem to have a mental capacity much older than your physical age and you survived taking care of Miharu-chan for so long. I guess I shouldn't have thought less of you." He didn't have much of the grandfatherly aura about him anymore. Instead, he was exuding that of a stern leader.

"How much do you know about ninja villages, child?"

I shook my head, momentarily confused by the sudden and seemingly off topic question but answered him regardless. "Not much other than the famous and probably romanticized battles that ninjas seem to be involved in, though some of the information and how you work… I'll have to rethink if those may be true after all, seeing how ninja can actually fly across the trees without the use of hands."

He nodded in understanding with a brief hint of amusement at my last statement before returning to a serious expression. "I see. To be honest with you, an important aspect of a ninja always learns during their training is to always be vigilant… and wary of any new people we meet who suddenly come from nowhere… Do you catch my drift?"

I froze in my seated position as thoughts ran through my head. Suddenly, a saying flashed across my mind and before I knew it, I blurted it out loud through the lump forming in my throat and he smiled. "Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer."

"Close but not quite, since we are still determining whether we _will_ have to consider you an enemy. You have to understand, in the ninja world, anyone can claim their innocence and then turn around and stab us in the back. We have been brought up to never let our guard down. Just as you are still wary of us, you are no exception in our eyes either."

I protested on behalf of my brother. I will never be able to view Sarutobi-sama's laid back demeanor as friendly ever again. " I am but barely thirteen and my little brother is all of three years old! Why go to such lengths to keep me in your sights?!"

"Child soldiers exist, child, and we teach our clan children how to fight and eventually to kill from the crib as do other villages. It wouldn't be surprising to see other children your age on the battlefield fighting against adults and for some to even be on par if not exceeding the strength of those adults. You may think this way of living is harsh, but even then, we are considered soft compared to other shinobi nations. But don't think too deeply into it; while I may be wanting to keep an eye on you and observe your trustworthiness, I am not so cold hearted as to turn a blind eye on the plight of a young girl protecting a brother who is not even related by blood, injured as you were those months ago. I wouldn't have left a child your age to fend for yourself without helping."

"You could have put me into another orphanage along with my brother."

"Yes, I could, but based off of your experience in one previously, how well would you have been able to cope mentally in another one, even if the location, the people and the system are entirely different?" The village leader looked at her grimly, "I doubt you would have done very well and your psychological health would affect your brother negatively as well."

There was nothing I could say to that, because truth be told, another 'Home' was the _last_ place I wanted to end up in. Even if the people and the place may perhaps be nicer, I would never be able to keep myself from judging the place based off of my previous experience and shun the place. I would sooner run away than stay there.

I had to concede to his argument and nodded without another word. He sighed.

"As for mentioning your memory, there was much you had to take in already. To put you under more stress by revealing the state of your health would have undone a lot of the work the medics put in to heal you. That topic would have been broached during your next hospital check up anyway… if they deemed you ready."

Somehow, as sound of an argument he seemed to make of this, the explanation seemed more flimsy than the answer he provided for her previous questions. But he probably had a reason for this… right? There was nothing I could do to get a different answer from him so I accepted what he placed before me and let the matter drop.

"Now, I understand that having months of your memory missing is extremely unnerving and by saying this, I may seem callous about the position you are in. But as long as you make it to the follow up appointments at the hospital once per week for this month and once per month afterwards to keep track of how your health is improving, then there shouldn't be any major problems. At the same time, I would know that you're not acting suspiciously; two birds with a single arrow, right?"

I acquiesced rather reluctantly, still not sure how much I could trust this battle wizened man behind the desk. From all the lessons and books I had begun to read, I now knew that the Hokage, or the kage of any village, was hailed as the strongest in the village. It was best to heed his subtle pushes than to attract his ire.

He smile gently and sat back in his seat, the corners of his eyes wrinkling from the sagging skin of old age. But never let it be said that old age didn't come with immense strength and wisdom; to judge him by his genial look of frailty would prove fatal.

"Anything else you'd like to speak with me about?"

"No, sir," I shook my head and stood up to bow low once again. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me while you are busy with work. I'll take my leave now."

Sarutobi-sama waved away my indirect apology and decided to pick up a scroll to begin examining with a wry expression. "You just had to remind me of my never ending pile of work. Go ahead child, run along now. Your brother is probably missing you by this time."

"Good day, Sarutobi-sama." I walked out the door, past the secretary and out of the tower towards the daycare again, with none of my questions truly answered and with even more inquiries than before. He had revealed his intentions before the table, yet shown me nothing at all.

.

.

" _The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep."_

 _E. W. Howe_

 **A/N: Truthfully speaking, I'm not as satisfied with this chapter's ending as I thought I would be. Half the time, it felt like it was kind of directionless and without much meaning. But at the same time, it felt like there were some things that had to be written into this conversation here in terms of how I wanted to set this story up… Does that make sense?**

 **In terms of the direction of the story in the long run, I have a clear view of some aspects but what I really need to brood over is how I am to get there. Hahaha**

 **Anyway, here are the meanings of the names as well as the one new vocab here:**

 **Michika: (** **美智香** **) beauty, wisdom, fragrance.**

 **Izumi: (** **泉** **) Fountain**

 **Miharu: (** **三春** **) Three Spring months**

 **Butsudan: An altar set up in the house to pay respects to dead family members, or in most cases, for ancestral worship in the Buddhist and Shinto religion. (Correct me if I'm wrong)**

 **That's it for now! Until next time!**

 **Adieu,**

 **Hitori no Kage (Yes, I have changed my username)**


	4. Guessing Game

Chapter 4: Guessing Game… Is There a Time Limit?

I woke up violently with sweat beading my face and neck. Breath laboured and with my soaked-through night clothes clinging to my body like second skin, I curled my shivering body into a fetal position on my side, trying to steady my palpitating heart.

I pushed a few stray locks of damp hair away from my face with trembling hands. My nights terrorized by dreams of memories had subsided at first… only come back with a vengeance under different circumstances. This time, however, I couldn't remember what it was I saw within my sleep but the fact that despair laced together within my very soul.

"It's just a dream, just a dream." I mumbled desperately to myself, "just a dream…"

It felt like an hour passed before I had the strength to look out the window and estimate the time. The sun was just beginning to peak out in the horizon, soft warm light spreading lazily out to reach the layered clouds and touch them. It must be about five in the morning then.

I sighed heavily, once again giving up on going back to sleep and slowly got out of bed. I still needed to prepare breakfast and lunch for Miharu.

.

4

.

"Thank you again for your continued patience with teaching me, Michika-san." I nodded my head in thanks to her as I finished helping Miharu into his shoes. It was the end of another day working at the daycare and after being tugged around by Miharu to play with his friends, I was finally able to settle down and review the basic grammar and words that Michika-san had given me the previous week.

The chestnut-haired woman smiled and handed me a new set of papers. "It's no problem at all, Izumi-chan! You're really a fast learner so I'm having fun teaching you all kinds of new things! Ah, these are the new words for the week along with more grammar rules. They're kanji- the hiragana written on top of each word will help you know how it's pronounced." She patted me on the shoulder, gently steering me out the door. "Let me know if you have any questions!"

I smiled and nodded. "I will, Michika-san! Come on, Miharu, we have an appointment to go to."

"Yeah, let's go to 'ppoinmen! Will Ji-han be there?" The boy was a literal bouncing ball of yellow as he impatiently tugged me out the door after waving Michika-san goodbye. The ji-san he was referring to turned out to be, to my horror and amusement, Sarutobi-sama. Yamanaka-sama later told me during an appointment that Miharu had taken a liking to both Itachi-san and Sarutobi-sama during the time I was still unconscious at the hospital. A part of me was relieved that Sarutobi-sama had allowed Miharu to call him so casually, yet I was worried that Miharu would grow to assume that he could just call others however he liked. It just wouldn't do.

"Miharu-chan, you shouldn't call Sarutobi-sama that…" I chided gently, "He's a very important person to the place we live in."

Miharu could only look at me quizzically and I let it drop. I'll have to teach him etiquette next year, when he may better understand the things around him.

"Come on, we'll see if Sarutobi-sama's there when we get there."

.

4

.

"Hmm, everything looks good and the last of those stitches will be coming off today, Izumi-chan." The doctor took off her glasses with a smile, pushing her swiveling chair backwards to reach for some cabinets behind her. She gathered supplies, put on gloves with a distinct snap and within minutes, the stitches were taken out, leaving me with only a tingling sensation of what had once been there.

"Here, take a look."

The doctor held up a smaller mirror as she gestured for me to stand between her and the larger floor-lengthed one on the wall next to the bathroom. My eyes honed in on the slightly pink and puckered skin running diagonally from the top middle of my back towards my underarm along the shoulder blade. A lock of black hair fell over my shoulder and I looked up to see my own face reflected in the mirror. Unremarkable brown eyes, sharp chin, relatively small nose with a straight nose bridge, and a thin face of a person who was still recovering from a long record of malnourishment. Improvement was showing of course, as my thin black hair was growing thicker now and my cheeks were beginning to fill out more but the doctors said it would probably take me a few more months before I completely recovered the proper weight of a thirteen year-old girl.

"Thank you, sensei, for your help."

The doctor patted the top of my head reassuringly and motioned for me to put my shirt back on. "No problem, Izumi-chan! Well, just continue to come visit for your monthly check up with Yamanaka-san now and you'll be cleared as fully recovered in no time! Just be sure to eat healthy with the right amount of nutrition as the chart I gave you showed. How are you and Miharu-kun doing anyway?"

"I've been doing fine: sorting papers, helping the cook fetch a cup of water or two and organizing the children's homework isn't intense labor and the headmistress has been generously lenient on my workload. I can't thank her enough. As for Miharu, he's made quite a bit of friends." My lips twitched into a smile, images of the friends he dragged me into playing with: a dark haired boy with a quirky hairdo, a cute chubby boy with a pension for asking for several refills during snack time, a uniquely pink-haired girl and a quiet child who tended to hide behind her hair when she got nervous. "They're an odd bunch but good kids all the same."

The doctor laughed and shook her head. "Well, that's not surprising considering more than half the kids in that particular daycare center are going to be brought up as ninjas once they're old enough to attend the academy. They're bound to have some quirks. Well, anyhow, you're good to go for toda-"

A quiet succession of four knocks on the door interrupted whatever else the doctor was about to say and the door slid open before the doctor gave the customary permission for the interrupter to come in. A tall green-vested man stood at the door looking impassively into the room, only giving the briefest of nods to the only other adult present.

"Hokage-sama requests for Izumi-san's presence at his office. I am to escort her there."

"But what about Miharu? He's waiting outside with the nurse-"

The man interrupted me without a glance in my direction. "He is already being escorted to the tower by a fellow shinobi. You need not concern yourself with anything else but to obey Hokage-sama's summons."

The doctor scowled at the rudeness of the man's intrusion.

"I understand, Chunin-san, but next time, be sure to follow doctor-patient protocol and wait for my permission to enter. You know as well as I, the consequences of your negligence should I choose to report this to the higher-ups." She turned back to me, her demeanor less sharp. "Izumi-chan, I expect you to see one of us again next month! You'll visit this lonely woman, won't you? I'll be in this very office~"

I couldn't keep the giggle from escaping my mouth despite my unease towards the messenger and nodded. "I'll be sure to do so, sensei!"

The walk through the halls of the hospital was quiet save for the occasional waves I received from the passing nurses. In the last month since I was bade to go for weekly checkups at the hospital, I made acquaintances of many staff members in the children's ward. There were five floors to the hospital with the children's wing on the East side of the fourth floor. The hospital was one of the biggest buildings in the village, the third tallest besides the Hokage tower and the Military Police Headquarters that the Uchiha clan was in charge of. Yet, it was one of the most worn down buildings discounting the poorer residential districts. And the front desk, as we walked sedately towards it for the exit, was as messy and chaotic as the first time I saw it upon my release two months prior.

As it turns out, from my own exploration of the village and the mini tours Michika-san would often drag me and Miharu into on the warm, late Spring weekends, Konohagakure was larger than I had heard from the stories my former mistress would sometimes indulge me with. There were at least two main market districts located on either ends of the village where fresh produce from local family owned gardens, spices brought in by merchants, textiles of all colours and patterns, jewelry, and metals were sold. Both were equally bustling with life and the excitement and anticipation hanging in the air would seep into my skin like morning dew was absorbed into the grass and soil before the sun fully awakened.

There was also a blacksmiths district as well, quite large too, where ninja made up the majority of the customers; the minority percentage went to the civilian hunters and bounty hunters, farmers, and attendants buying this gilded sword or that decorated dagger for local nobles living not far in the outskirts outside of the village gates.

Residential districts were distinctly divided between the civilians and the ninja population. Michika-san pointed them out to me when she tutored me on the basic layout of the village as well as general history of the village. There were several important clans within the village, of which maybe only five were prominent. Yet still, only two out of the five were the most influential in both numbers and military power. Therefore, those two clans, the Hyuuga and the Uchiha held the most lands and were situated where both being close to the Hokage Tower and close to the village walls could be balanced, while the other ninja clans were placed somewhere in between those. Civilian residential districts were placed in the center and closer to the carved cliffs Michika-san called the Hokage Monument. Not surprisingly, they too, were organized by wealth and prominence.

There also consisted of a large number of training grounds for the ninja, a sports stadium, the hospital, local civilian clinics and apothecaries, civilian schools and the ninja academy. All in all, it was at least three times the size of my home village and would take me perhaps all of an entire day to walk from one end straight across to the other side. At civilian speed, of course.

"Ah, Kakashi-san!" I would notice the distinctive silvery patch of hair anywhere.

Said man turned in my direction, paused, before slowly heading towards our direction. The Chunin-san next to me gave me a hesitant yet curious look.

"You know Hatake-san?"

"Is that his family name?"

In the short two months I lived here, I also realized another fact; people had a given name and a family name. Sarutobi was Hokage-sama's, Yamanaka was Inoichi-sama's and Uchiha was the old looking boy's, Itachi-san's. One always addressed the other person by their last name unless one was family, very familiar with them or were close friends. I wondered what Miharu's or my family name would have been if I knew who our parents are… were.

The Chunin-san decided to ignore my question to his question with a disgruntled look and nodded at Kakashi-san.

"You seem to be a lot better now. How is your brother?"

I smiled and bowed. "Miharu and I are feeling a lot better now!" I stayed bowed, suddenly feeling sheepish. I may still be a little wary towards the ninja in this village but I will admit that I'd been rude to my rescuers; I was definitely not proud of my actions and I do not like to have my wrongs remain unresolved.

"I'm very sorry for lashing out at you when I first met you… and I thank you for being one of the ones to save me and my brother. I never did properly thank you did I, Kakashi-san… or should I call you Hatake-san? I deeply apologize if I was being too forward."

"Ah… no it's fine if you continued to address me as you did before. I don't mind. I'm glad to hear you're both doing well. So your brother's name is Miharu, huh… And what's your's?"

"Oh, I never told you my new name, did I?" I bowed quickly again before straightening. "I'm Izumi."

A hand grabbed my shoulder and tugged none too gently. I winced. It just had to be the shoulder with the stitches removed not even half an hour ago.

"Hokage-sama's waiting, Izumi-san. We don't have time for you to stand around making idle conversations. Are you going to disrespect the generosity Hokage-sama benevolently bestowed on you?... Or do you not know enough words to even understand what I'm saying?" I flinched at the obvious jab at my ignorance.

Kakashi-san sighed and gave the Chunin-san a pointed look. "I'll take over from here and escort her to the tower. You're dismissed."

The brown-haired Chunin stared defiantly back, surprised and offended at the sudden dismissal. "But I was told by the Hokage-sama to escort her there personally!-"

"Are you questioning the orders of a superior officer?"

The man looked as if he wanted to argue back but halted midway, face draining of colour. He backed up slowly, muttered an 'I understand', and disappeared with a quiet pop. I staggered backwards in his sudden absence, almost tripping over myself.

"Why am I getting surprised over people disappearing when ninja can already fly through trees and control the elements without even touching them?" I muttered weakly to myself after calming down. I thanked Kakashi-san for steadying me quietly before he motioned for me to continue on getting to the Hokage Tower.

"So… what were you doing at the hospital, Kakashi-san?" I felt a sudden sense of concern creep in as I searched him, "you weren't injured were you?"

He smiled with an awkward reassurance, stiff and… sad? But genuine all the same.

"No, I was… visiting someone."

I winced at my lack of manners. "I-I hope he or she will get better soon. I'm sorry for asking such an impolite question."

"It's alright." He sighed looking distant. "I too, hope for that person to make a quick recovery… I really do."

And so it was quiet for the rest of the way to the tower.

.

4

.

It was both troubling and frustrating that in the course of two weeks, my sleeping pattern didn't improve at all. Perhaps I should have mentioned this new development in my problem to the doctor during my last weekly visit to the hospital. But since that regret was late in coming, all I could do in the end was to visit the local civilian apothecary for some tea to encourage sleep.

At close to four years old, Miharu was increasing not only in height, but in energy. Now that I wasn't holding him back from running around in fear of being killed, he was exploding with it and as though through some magnetic pull, he was gathering more friends than just those from the daycare. As I soon found out, there were a few clan kids who were at the daycare from time to time when no one from their own clan was available to take care of them. Those clan kids knew kids from other clans who were also introduced to Miharu, who introduced civilian children to them in turn. Long story short, it became quite a large crowd.

"Mama…" Miharu fidgeted in that cute way of his, squirming and shifting from foot foot with his fingers trying to wrangle each other behind his back. I forced myself to suppress a laugh at the display. He looked up at me imploringly, "could I bring my friends over to play? I got to meet more new friends today and I want you to meet them too!"

"Normally, you should be using the words 'may I' but in this case, to ask whether you can or not is indeed correct…" To think I've learned my grammar fast enough to correct even my own brother who was young enough to pick up on these things faster than I can.

Miharu could only look at me confusion at the attempted grammar correction I was giving him, tilting his head in that way of his. I sighed tiredly and smiled at him, my vision… dimming a little. I shook my head a little, closing my eyes to give them a second of reprieve.

"I- I can't?"

I opened my eyes quickly, realizing the interpretation Miharu may have taken with me trying to clear my vision. "No, that's not it. But since you have so many friends, are there any particular friends you'd like to invite? Our home may not actually be big enough to have them all in here at once."

"Uh… I didn't think of that… I wanted bring all of them." He scratched his head in bewilderment. I guess he still needed to slowly process the concept of quantity and the fact that though to him, our place was big, it was actually not so.

"How about a compromise?"

"What's a comp'mise?"

I laughed and ruffled his head. I held a little pride at his willingness to ask about anything under the sky that he didn't know of, and the fact that I just happened to learn this word recently. Well.

"It means that though I cannot say yes to bringing _all_ of your friends over, we can find a place where we can have fun and I get to meet all of your new friends instead of here. A compromise is to meet halfway between one idea with another idea that everyone can agree with."

"Oohhhh, I see!" Miharu nodded his head excitedly, "then can we go to the park? We can play there and won't make trouble!"

"You mean you won't cause trouble." I laughed at his put out expression and ruffled his hair one last time before getting up from the kitchen chair. The room spun a little and my eyes felt like they were beginning to burn, the sides of my head throbbing like my heart had switched places with my brain.

Small hands tugged at the hem of my shirt and I slowly looked down at worried eyes. "Is Mama okay? You're not feeling well?"

I put on a smile. "I'm okay, just tired." I quickly switched subjects to distract him from his worrying.

"Now when do you want to go to that park and where is it? Are there any foods you'd like me to make for you and your friends?"

The worry in the young blond's eyes slowly faded, replaced by his excitement at the mere thought of sharing food with his friends. "Oh, oh! Let's go to the park with the big big green grassy place and the water! Can- may we go 'morrow? This is gonna be fun!"

I relaxed at his excited dance, teasingly correcting his pronunciation of words here and there as I made a list of foods to buy at the market for tomorrow.

I woke the next day bright and early as usual… at four in the morning, unable to stay within the realm of my dreams. The herbal tea I procured from the apothecary was helping little as it only gave me one extra hour of reprieve. Knowing that I wouldn't get anymore sleep, I sighed and dragged my tired body out of bed to start the morning.

By the time we headed out for the park, the sun was well on it's way to it's highest point. The weather was relatively mild, cool under the shade but warm and toasty under the sun. It was definitely a good day to be spending outside.

A large canvas bag on one shoulder with a spare old blanket I bought at a secondhand discount store tucked under my arm, Miharu and I walked through the bustling streets, watching as the gates of the anticipated park draw closer to us. Finally, as we reached the edge where dirt road met a field of grass, I let Miharu's hand go and observed with amusement as he made a mad dash towards the familiar figures of a pink haired child and the dark haired boy with strangely rebellious hair: Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke. The two waved eagerly at him and ran to meet Miharu halfway.

"Miharu-kun! You're here!", Sakura-chan shouted as she stopped in front of my younger brother.

The Uchiha child smirked teasingly, "You were this close to being late, dobe!"

"Hey, stop calling me that, teme! I got here just on time!" Miharu stuck his tongue defiantly but grinned immediately after, rendering his comeback for naught. He was too excited and happy to let anything change his mood.

I finally caught up to them and smiled, ruffling both boys' hair and patting the younger girl on the head. "Now, no calling someone a bad name like that, little brother. You too, Sasuke-chan."

Sasuke-chan's ears went red in embarrassment. "Sorry, Izumi nee-san! I didn't know you were here already…"

I laughed at his expression and patted him on the shoulder. "Even if I'm not here, you shouldn't do so. How is your family doing?"

"My parents are doing well, thank you!" One moment he was polite as ever and the next moment he turned back into a petulant child. "But big brother doesn't have as much time with me anymore. He always tells me 'sorry, maybe next time' almost _all_ the time now!"

I crouched down and searched past his sulking and saw a hurt expression. I immediately pulled him into a quick one armed hug, resting my head on top his head briefly. No matter how much I resisted trusting the adults fully, these children were still innocent and therefore precious to me. It hurt me to see them pained. I just couldn't watch and do nothing, not when I could now, as compared to the time when I was helplessly watching children, my family, being sold away.

"Your brother must be working hard to protect you, your family and this village. You know, if it weren't for your brother and the others… Miharu and I would not have made it here to this village alive. They saved us when we were hurt."

I shifted away slightly when Sasuke-chan moved to look up and into my eyes. "Really?! You two weren't born here in Konoha?"

I shook my head. Well, I wasn't really sure where or when either of us were born. But since we were outside of this village, perhaps we weren't?

"We came from outside of the village. The both of us were attacked and your brother and some others somehow managed to bring us back here to be treated at the hospital.

"So I'm sure your brother is a very brave person. I'm also sure he loves you very much and is hurt because he can't spend more time with you. He must be someone who's always tired and sleepy, right?"

"Yeah!" He looked at me like I was someone who could read the future.

"Would you like to help him a little?"

Sasuke-chan's eyes sparkled like newly polished jewels. "I can?!"

"Yes!" I laughed. "Give him a good hug and ask him how his day was. Make him a cup of tea or give him sweet snacks he likes- sugar does help tired people. Tell him you love him. Simple things. He'll be happy just with those, I'm sure of it."

"Okay, I'll do them!"

"Ah, the others are here!" Miharu and Sakura-chan exclaimed.

I straightened up and held the other two children's hands as Miharu once again sped ahead to greet the arriving children. "Well then, shall we go?"

We set up the blanket up a hill under a lusciously growing tree where we could see the water fountain close to the center of the park. There were other families busy playing with their own children during a Saturday outing, making the place fairly crowded but not overwhelming. There were a total of twelve children in all including Miharu and I was glad I made extra amounts of everything I prepared: potato salad sandwiches, butter and orange marmalade toasts, cut apples and oranges, skewered pork cutlets for easy handling, cherry tomatoes, seaweed salad, tamagoyaki and several bottles of iced chrysanthemum sweet tea. All tasty, simple and inexpensive in budget.

"Let's go play by the water fountain!"

Majority of the children nearly squealed in delight as they all raced each other to get to the large fountain to play with the water after eating their full. Thankfully, I had made sure to bring towels, as well as informed Miharu to pass onto the other children to bring some spare clothes. Those who didn't run like hyperactive children were the ones from clans, as they tried to stroll as slowly as possible after the others without showing their thrumming anticipation.

I watched, my back leaning heavily against the sturdy rough bark of the tree trunk behind me as the children raced around the spewing water. It had to be at least eight feet tall, the rim of the fountain top jetting water out in all directions to spray cool water over the children. I smiled tiredly before rubbing my eyes. They were aching again, an aching burn and the thrum of a headache slowly coming to life. I needed sleep desperately.

"Ah, stop! You leave Miharu-kun alone!"

My head automatically snapped up in alarm. Several older boys pushing the children apart while one was holding a struggling Miharu by the scruff of his neck.

"You foreigners should get out! You and your pathetic sister you call Mama! What's up with that anyway!", the teenager sneered with a distorted looking grimace and spat on the ground near his feet in disgust. "We have enough of you scums already!"

"Hey! I said leave Miharu-kun alone and let him go!"

"Let go of Miharu!" Sakura-chan and Sasuke-kun rushed in, slipping under the arms of a boy with dark grey hair to try and knock Miharu's assaulter over. Another teenager grabbed Sasuke-kun by the arm, yanked him backwards, and threw him to the ground earning a yelp out of the younger boy. Sakura-chan managed to knock into the one holding Miharu, causing him to let go and Miharu landed on his rump.

I staggered to my feet, racing as quickly as my tilting vision could allow me.

"What do you think you brats are doing to the children!" I gasped out angrily. My vision blurred and I stumbled. Why weren't the nearby adults doing anything?

The boy who was knocked over by Sakura-chan may have been dazed at first but he was still bigger than her. He used his larger body mass to shove Sakura-chan over and held her down by the shoulders even as she struggled viciously to free herself.

"Let them go you brats!" I half snarled half wheezed, sweat beading down my neck. "Ugh!".

I grab the teenager holding Sakura-chan down by the collar and roughly throw him off with all the strength I had left, allowing Sakura-chan the space to scramble back.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing to my son?!" A man shouted angrily, pushing away one of the children roughly to pull his son behind him.

"Your _son_ attacked my little brother and his friends when they did nothing to him." I snarled angrily.

"My son would _never_ do something that, you little liar!" He strode over to me threateningly, murmuring from the bystanders increasing as they gathered to watch the spectacle. They were watching a man hurting young children like it was a _spectacle_.

I quickly pushed Sasuke-kun and Sakura-chan behind me, telling them to quickly gather the others and get going. No sooner had they made to go round the other scattered children than the man shoved me roughly backwards. I winced.

"You little bastards are not going anywhere!" He shoved past me and I started after him, fear gripping me.

"Stop!"

I smelled a whiff of alcohol coming from him.

There was a sudden onslaught of pain in the back of my head and I clutched it, staggering to a stop and nearly falling onto the ground.

 _"Stop! It hurts, it hurts!" I was screaming, pushing with freed hands at something or someone above me. It smelled of alcohol and stale breath. "Let go! Get off of me!"_

The pain was too much for me not to cry out and my knees met the earth, the jagged pebbles, the stones, cutting into my thin vulnerable skin, hungrily welcoming the blood that escaped my veins as it was absorbed into the ground.

 _A door opened slowly, quietly, after I was punched across the face. There was a sudden silence as I had to stop screaming to remember to breath between the pain and disorientation, and choking on my tears. The hinges squeaked and whatever that man was doing stopped and I felt his body shift to look in the direction of the noise._

 _"Mama?"_

Miharu. I heard Miharu shouting for me, his hands pulling at my sleeves and crying for someone to help his Mama, his- his ane-chan. He didn't care what he addressed me by. Were the other children okay? There was an encroaching black haze covering my vision and I felt myself sink the rest of the way onto the ground, panic eating at me. There was a lot of shouting and screaming… just like before….

 _"Don't hurt Mama!"_

 _I felt a blazing heat filter through my senses and the heavy body above me suddenly left. That man shouted in pain and then, a crash, wood shattering. Tendrils- tendrils of living, liquid heat was gently enfolding me in it._

 _Then I heard shouting and screaming all over again. And the darkness came over me, even when I wanted to open my eyes despite the pain and see where my precious little brother was. Was he here? Why was he here instead of at the caravan? Who else was shouting? Had someone come to rescue us or were the bandits being attacked by another group? Don't hurt my brother. Never my brother! But yet, I prayed that if we were being attacked, at least have the courtesy to extinguish that man's life with an agonizing death._

 _A bubbling grey wisp of aching was building a trench in my chest. It was bitter, cold, frightening. I wished that if that man died horrifically, I would at least get my revenge for all the things he did by getting to watch it. What was becoming of me?_

I felt a pair of warm hands catch me before I knew no more.

.

4

.

"... Tolui Ujin."

"Sarantsatsr Tolui Ujin."

My eyes felt heavy as I opened them to gaze bleary-eyed at the felt covering above me before turning in the direction of the one who was calling my name.

"Sarantsatsr Tolui Ujin, it's time for the morning greetings." The face of a women with dull red hair tied neatly at the nape of her neck came into view as she bowed her head towards me. "It is already the hour of the rabbit and the sun has risen past the line of the plains, Ujin, m'lady."

"Already? I'm still so tired… ", I grumbled with a pout, but get up anyway. No one dares to stay asleep and ignore the duty of the morning greetings without greatly offending one's honored parents, the elders and the ancestors.

"I'm deeply sorry, m'lady."

I sighed, all the annoyance leaving me. I hated when the servants apologize for every negative comment I make, however trivial it is. "There is no need for an apology, Batu. Will you help me with the preparations, please?"

"Of course, m'lady. You need not ask, just say so and this servant Batu will do as you command." She bowed deeply and hurried with small steps to the clothes hung carefully across the wooden stand next to the changing screen.

Again with the formality.

I held in my sigh and slide my legs over the pile of blankets and pillows to feel the relative coolness of the summer rugs meet the soles of my feet. Batu dressed me behind the screen as I admired the coolness of the light cotton clothing being wrapped around my bodice. Deep red collar winded down my front to the right side- once, then twice- and created the long, spacious skirt and false layers. My arms slid through generous sleeves before coming out of narrow cuffs. The entirety of the robe was decorated simply with circular floral patterns of pale yellow against dark blue, the piece tied off at the waist by a white sash. My long black hair was then braided into individual thin braids and tied with colourful beads before a small headdress of simple silver bangles sewn into the edges of the cap was placed on my head, its long,shoulder-length strands of patterned heavy beads framing my face. Upon my feet were thinly padded, leather boots reaching just past my ankles, decorated with similar circular patterns of flowers under a moon.

I stepped out of my yurt dwelling and felt the mildly warm summer breeze caress my braided hair and face as I headed to the largest yurt tent of our encampment, the emblem of the Chengli Gutu Chanyu, Chieftain King of all Xiongnu, stitched into the felt fabric that covered dwelling's skeletal frame. The slightly smaller yurt next to the Chanyu's was where my honored parents resided.

"Aqa, elder brothers!"

Three heads turned in my direction, halting from their walk towards the Chanyu's tent.

"Ah, there is our Doyi." Third Elder Brother, dressed in a light grey robe secured by a deep blue sash, a pair of dark grey trousers and black boots decorated by a large soaring falcon each, looked down at me with a twinkle in his eye. "You managed to wake at the hour of the rabbit without a fuss today, Doyi? You didn't trouble Batu enough to run her red hair white, did you?"

I couldn't stop myself from pouting,my arms itching to cross themselves in an unlady-like fashion in front of me.

"I woke up just fine, Third Elder Brother! I am sincerely grateful for your asking after me." Trust Third Elder Brother to poke fun at me so early in the morning. Did he want to get me in trouble with eji, our ever eagle-eyed Great Grandmother the Queen Dowager, when I give her my greetings with a hard to control scowl on my face? Mother would surely make my womanly training all the more harder to avoid having me on the receiving end of the Queen Dowager's wrath.

Eldest Brother, turned a quiet disapproving look at Third Elder Brother with a soft reprimand, "Must you antagonize our Doyi so? Let's go. We will be late for our greetings and incur the displeasure of the Queen Dowager. Doyi, school your face."

I ducked my head, properly chastised, "Yes, I'm sincerely sorry, Eldest Brother."

He nodded, his face a hint of softness, before his expression smoothed out into one the eldest koghun was expected to have as a candidate for the future Chanyu title. Eldest Brother announced our arrival to the guard and the flaps of the yurt were opened as the messenger declared our presence. With the utmost grace Mother had instilled in us, we each gave our greetings to the ancestors at the altar first, then to the Chanyu and the Queen Dowager, and finally to Mother and Father.

The Queen Dowager looked among us closely with an unreadable glint in her eyes before addressing Eldest Brother.

"Berke Temur Noyan, soon you will be fourteen Summers at the end of the herding season. It is time to procure a wife for you and continue this royal lineage as the eldest koghun. Have you any tribal woman's hand in mind, or would you have your Mother and this Queen Mother seek one out for you?"

Eldest Brother stiffened at the question, a frown barely concealed from his face. I could tell, being his little sister, that he did not like what the Queen Dowager was implying. As if Eldest Brother had much choice in selecting a lady's hand for marriage with the Queen Dowager's manipulations.

Marriage matters should always be between the esteemed Mother and Father, and Eldest Brother. However, with the Queen Dowager having made this 'benevolent offer', he could not refuse without insulting her.

I glanced discreetly at Mother from between Second and Third Elder Brother's shoulders. She had a troubled look on her face as she made discreet gestures toward Eldest Brother from her seat at Father's left.

"Have you a selection in mind, Honored Great Grandmother? I am most grateful for your advices.", he murmured, not daring to fully meet the Queen Dowager's eyes, yet he sat as tall as he could to show he would not cower.

"There is no need to burden yourself with this affair, Honored Mother." The Chanyu's face was pinched, his expression hidden from the Queen Dowager only by seating position: she sitting at the seat of honor behind the Chanyu's right hand, the Chanyu himself at the center with his back to the high altar. Father sat at his immediate left with Mother at his side. We as mere children, sat across from them, Eldest Brother at the front, Second and Third Elder Brother behind him and me closest to the tent opening- the most insignificant and vulnerable to attack should it ever happen. "If you have a fair lady in mind, let Tuya and Lord YouXiao, as Berke's parents, know and they will sort out the mess. Relax as you deserve, Honored Mother."

She sniffed daintily and lifted her cup to sip at her tea. "I shall pass on the candidate's name and Clan origin to your Mother and Father then." The was a tone of distaste when came the mention of Father. "They will let you know if they want to, as well as begin the talk of dowry with the woman's family should this candidate be decided upon."

And so a crisis was averted and Great Grandmother pretended like nothing much had occurred, asking after Second and Third Elder Brother's training in the sword and archery. We soon left for Mother and Father's yurt to share the morning meal.

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4

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The Queen Dowager refused to acknowledge my existence again, just as she had been for as long as I remembered. To her, I was no great granddaughter of hers and probably the sooner I could be married off, to a far away tribe if possible, the better. Soon to pass my tenth Autumn when the grass begins to golden and the trees crimson, I will not have much time left before I'm at the suitable age when young men will seek for my hand in marriage, given my lineage and status.

I pricked myself on the needle and I quickly move my fingers away from my project discreetly, putting pressure on it to prevent tainting the embroidery with blood.

A brow lifting on Great Grandmother's face told me I didn't quite manage to suppress the tiny hiss I emitted from the sudden pain. Mother looked towards me quickly and asked after my injury. "It won't do for your hand to have abnormal scars…", she'd say all the time. I felt my face turn a light shade of pink in embarrassment and frustration; Mother ousted my mistake without really meaning to.

"Our embroidery skills are truly unparalleled across the plains, don't you think, my dear?"

Mother dipped her head in a hesitant nod, not sure where this sudden statement was going. "Indeed, this is said by many. Honored Grandmother's skills are unequaled."

"It is, therefore, unsurprising that there are not many who can learn of these skills fully unless they have our blood within their veins." Great Grandmother sighed as if despairing over something, "And then there are just those without skill at all to be made of anything."

Mother immediately closed her mouth, jaw working slightly.

"Berke Temur Noyan has arrived!" The guard announced, opening the flap to allow Eldest Brother entrance.

"Honored Mother, Esteemed Great Grandmother." He knelt on his right knee with his fisted right arm resting on it in humble greeting; the bow of the head that followed was only reserved for the Chanyu. "The Lord Chanyu and Honored Father requires Sarantsatsr Tolui Ujin's presence for her training."

"She has not completed her embroidery tasks yet." Great Grandmother's steely voice cut through the air. She spoke as if I wasn't in the room. "Warrior she may become should she be called to it, but she will shame her husband by not having other skills to speak of. She has tainted this household and our Clan name enough with her presence."

"It is the Lord Chanyu's command."

Great Grandmother's grip on the linen she was embroidering turned ashen white before she stiffly relaxed her hands. "If the Lord Chanyu commands it, so be it."

"Come, Sarantsatsr. We must not linger." Eldest Brother stood regally, eyes piercing and demanding no delays.

"As you wish, Eldest Brother Noyan." I quickly get to my feet and with a lady's bow towards Mother and Great Grandmother, we depart.

"My archery lesson is not till the hour of the monkey, Eldest Brother. Has Lord Chanyu and Father sent for me so early?" We walked swiftly towards my yurt to grab my weapons before heading to the stables. "It's only the hour of the sheep."

"Lord Chanyu requested for his grandchildren to be present as he is debriefed before we head towards the training grounds. He had not mentioned which of his grandchildren were required to be there." He glanced down at me as we enter the stables. "It is true that the Lord Chanyu said he'd like to see our progress in our skills over the bow and arrow, however. Besides…"

He headed towards his dark grey stallion, who was snorting excitedly. "Knowing you, you wouldn't have lasted long in that atmosphere. You still have need for expression training, Doyi."

"I know I haven't been controlling my temper very well, Berke- Eldest Brother and I'm sorry for disappointing you… But I will try harder so I will not be a burden to you, I promise!"

Eldest Brother glanced at me before turning his back to begin saddling his horse. "You take to heart the Queen Dowager's words too much, Doyi. And you may address your older brothers by our names so long as it is not in public, Tolui Doyi."

I gave him a wobbly smile in gratefulness and nod my head, even if he can't see it. "Okay, Berke Aqa."

I embraced my chestnut mare in greeting, who huffed gently on my cheeks and stomped. "Hello, Erdene. It has been a while, hasn't it?"

I quickly saddled the horse and with Berke Aqa, we headed to the furthest reaches of our encampment to the East where the Chanyu and Father would be waiting within the tent of meetings.

The yurt was, unlike the others, decorated not by domesticating rugs and carpeting, but of dyed felt and leather. The interior was wider, the Chanyu's seat of importance at the center back upon an elevated seat, and Father, as the Lord YouXiao, was seated to the Chanyu's left. Lord Wei Lu, the Chanyu's chief advisor, sat at the chieftain king's right hand.

As Berke Aqa and I stepped through the flaps of the yurt with our arrival announced, I saw that the elders of our clan were already present muttering amongst themselves. Upon being seated, the Chanyu turned a stern eye towards the assembly quickly quieting them. But when he looked towards me, his eyes held an incomprehensible emotion for a brief moment before he reverted back into the strict aura of a leader.

"Let this meeting commence."

.

4

.

I drew the bow as taut as I could, feeling my muscles straining at the weight, eyes focused on the target about two hundred meters ahead of me. I released. The arrow whistled through the air and hit the fourth of eight rings. I winced, both at my horrible aiming and at my raw fingers.

Shame laced through me. The Chanyu and Father had been observing our archery and sword practice, and while my elder brothers were already able to shoot a target at three hundred meters on horse to strike the third ring of eight, I was still shooting while stationary.

I wanted to improve- needed to improve.

Though I felt the sweat trickling down my face and back, I trudged across the field to retrieve the arrows for one more practice. Just one more time before I had to call it a day. Getting into position, I slowly depleted my arrow supply again, each still hitting between the fourth and third ring.

The sound of leather and wood stretching, the snap of the bow string and the whistle of an arrow cutting through air. The thud of arrow hitting its target. My second to last arrow hit dead center and my breath hitched.

"I-I did it!" I quickly grabbed my last arrow and aimed- it hit the third ring. I felt my excitement stutter but the thrum of hope didn't go away. I could do this. There was a chance for me to improve yet.

With my fingers smarting however, I decided to rest and continue tomorrow. But first, to tell my elder brothers and Father!

Allowing Erdene to leisurely trot across the plains where the practice fields were located, we maneuvered through the yurts and finally to the stable where my mare could rest.

The moon was rising over the horizon by the time I made my way towards Father's yurt, a cooler breeze making me shiver slightly. Grass crunching beneath my feet, deftly avoiding the ropes holding down the neighboring yurts, I soon saw Father and Mother's living space lit with the warmth of candlelight, and my heart raced at telling them that soon, I will have the strength to be one of their warriors, the clan's protectors. Will Great Grandmother acknowledge me then?

The air suddenly shifted behind me. Before I could even react and pulled me behind a tree, its thick trunk obscuring my view of Father and Mother's tent a few feet away. My heart shot up to my throat and I struggled, arms pushing and fingers trying to scratch away the hand covering my mouth, to scream for someone to notice. The arms holding me still only constricted tighter.

" _Don't move._ "

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4

.

" _Life seemed even more of a guessing game than usual."_

― **Julian Barnes** , **The Sense of an Ending**

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 **A/N: This chapter took me so much longer to write than I had expected, so I'm sorry and thank you to those who have been patiently waiting so long for this chapter to be posted!**

 **First things first- I know that a lot of you will be extremely confused at this sudden change in perspective, but of course, this has everything to do with this weird complex story plot that I plan to have going. Hahahaha So please bear with me and slowly, the story will unravel what exactly is going on. At least I hopr it will unravel the way I planned on it to. Sooner or later though, I know I'll definitely have to change the summary for this story because the summary I initially wrote out for this story is no longer relavant to how the plot line has changed shape over the course of a few months. That said, please continue to support me!**

 **I also know that some of you may be following my other story, WFSM (When the Four Seasons Meet). Rest assured, I'm am going to complete and post up the next chapter soon so please anticipate it! My posting chapters will most likely slow significantly so bear with me and hopefully, I'll be able to post something during the semester!**

 **Onto to the next thing, the following is a list of definitions and translations of vocabulary I used in here as well as names. Note to those who speak the language or those who are of Mongolian descent: if you find anything weird or names not making sense, please do write me and let me know! I don't speak it nor do I claim to know Mongolian culture very well. I would love to get the feedback!**

 **Sarantsatsr Tolui- Moonlit Mirror**

 **Berke Temur- Strong Iron**

 **Tuya- Ray of Light**

 **Batu- Loyal (This name is usually used for men, but for this story's purpose, the maid will have this name. hehehehe)**

 **Erdene- Treasure, Jewel**

 **Ujin- Lady (Anyone know the exact context of this translation? Some sources I researched suggested that this is more of an address of a married lady? While others hinted that it was more general like referring to a miss with a high status?)**

 **Noyan- Prince**

 **Chengli Gutu Chanyu- Title for nomadic supreme kings, rulers, of chieftains of the Xiongnu (who some referred to as the Huns, though the Xiongu are more of a confederation of Mongolian tribes joined by a pact under a leader during Ancient times, while Huns, I believe referred to one of these groups. However, these terms are somewhat obscure and a bit convoluted so, if someone has better knowledge of this, do let me know!). This title was later replaced by the term Khagan (Khan in the West) in 402AD. This title, shortened to Chanyu, was largely used by the Luandi clan during the Qing and Han Dynasty. This of course, gives you a small picture of what time period and where exactly the story has suddenly switched to. Haha.**

 **Yurt- For some who may not know what this is, it is a type of tent house that is comprised largely of felt, fortified underneath by a wooden frame. The large tent is usually decorated inside by rugs and leather stitched by the women of the tribe. These dwellings are also referred to as Ger, though this is very rarely used… in the West.**

 **Doyi- Little Sister**

 **Aqa- Elder Brother**

 **Koghun- Son**

 **Lord YouXiao- Sarantsatsr's Father's title**

 **Hour of the Rabbit- 5-7am (This is is the Chinese system of telling time; dividing the twenty-four hours of the day into twelve equal 'double hours', twelve animals are used in association to the hours of the day, though there are actual Chinese names referred to by '** _ **shi chen**_ **', which may get a little complicated for readers and those not very familiar with the Chinese language, so I'm going to keep things as simple as I can….)**

 **Hour of the Sheep- 1-3pm**

 **Hour of the Monkey- 3-5pm**

 **If there are any words or names I may have by accidentally left out, please feel free to write me and I can clarify it for you!**

 **Until next time, please do review after reading!**

 **Avec d'affection, adieu!**

 **Hitori no kage**


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